Peer Pressure Works!

They’ve always been useless. they always will be useless. You know the type…so fiercely loyal to their particular band or brand or whatever else they’re leeching a reason to exist from that they can’t see straight. Most often they’re associated with video games.

I want to kill them. All of them. Messily. Perhaps with a lawnmower, Dead Alive style.

Oh, did I forget to mention that the preceding video is violent? Too bad. If you see a video after a line talking about killing with a lawnmower, Dead Alive style and are then surprised the video to follow is violent, fuck you too.

Oh, and incidentally, the actual scene in the movie goes on for so long that it manages to become quite boring. Really.

Anyway, yeah, fanboi types, lawnmower, fleshy squishy crunching noises and their death. Sounds like a good fucking evening of fun to me.

Now, they’ve always been around…what’s brought them out of the woodwork lately? Why the good folks at Ubisoft and their latest DRM plan that requires a permanent Internet connection 100% of the time when playing any of their upcoming games. Lose your connection? Too bad for you. Servers down? Too bad for you. It’s truly ASTOUNDING that an idea this bad originated in Quebec.

Yes, it sucks. That isn’t enough for PC fanboi types, though. No, these irrational jagoffs, constructed from the contents of hospital colostomy bags no doubt, are comparing this to rape. Yes indeed, rape. Brutal and unwanted sexual assault (…was the use of ‘unwanted’ really necessary in that sentence?) compares dead even to requiring constant server access to play a game. If you have ever honestly made this comparison, may you be ravaged by the entire populace of Lompoc penitentiary.

Then we have this exchange with a fellow forum user on Good Old Games. First is me, agreeing with the guy above (I would quote him but he just says the same thing and takes longer…and he isn’t me. Let him glorify himself on his own blog, goddammit!) :

Exactly. You want to send a message? Don’t buy it. Let’s just stop acting like computer games are some intrinsic right, or necessary to enjoyment of life.

And the response :

Oh, but they are. Entertaintment is an intrinsic right. Just like broadband internet access. They recognized that over in Finland.

Drink that genius in. Shit, we’re gonna need FEMA to run over to this poor motherfucker’s house and hook his ass up with some DRM-free Assassin’s Creed II, STAT!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. Entertainment is an intrinsic right…right up their with Freedom of Speech and, you know, access to water?! If this is the sort of drivel that will regularly be flowing from it, SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. NEVER open it again. EVER. Under any circumstances. Have a cold and your nose is stuffed up? Suffocate. Good fucking riddance.

Can we PLEASE stop with the ridiculous fucking comparisons and bleating bullshit about ‘our plight’? And if we can’t get these rejected shit samples to just shut the fuck up, can we perhaps start sacrificing them to Tilikum, the serial killing whale?

You don’t like the new system? Don’t buy it. Play something else. Just stop whining like a spineless fairy about how your ‘rights’ have been exploited you fucking stain. The world should issue rewards for worthless shit like this being stomped from the gene pool.

Oh those Americans…always obsessing with themselves and blathering on nonstop about how awesome they are at everything. At least, that seems to be the Canadian definition of what makes an American.

And yet, what do I see? An inundation of CANADA AWSUM! crap. All that I see is Canadian hypocrites whining about US nationalism and self obsession…then engaging in the exact same behaviour towards this country. We criticize them for their supposed faults, then engage in those same behaviours to describe in detail how we’re better…uhhh, pot? Have you met kettle?

Making it worse…the Olympics. How many times have we all seen and heard and read critiques of US Olympic coverage as only covering US athletes? Yet, I see CTV and its sister stations doing THE EXACT SAME THING with regards to Canadian athletes right now. Oh, but that’s okay because we’re somehow magically exempt from the rules against fervent nationalism?!

SHUT…THE…FUCK…UP. If you aren’t willing to follow the same rules you’re throwing down on others, shut your fucking mouth.

Oh, and on the Olympic issue itself…do you ever follow amateur athletics during non Olympic years? How many Canadian Olympic competitors could you have named before the games started? Yeah, that’s what I thought…stop claiming you support amateur athletics if the only time you give a fuck is during an Olympic year. Shut up.

This message brought to you by the Cliff Society of Thinking the Olympics are Pretty Much Bullshit.

Notice how any time anyone ever says anything approaching that, it usually ends up in a gathering sort of like this?

Well, not anymore. If Don “Moose” Lewis gets his brilliant All-America Basketball Alliance going, it may soon end up in a gathering like this.

Yes indeed, it’s all cracker basketball! All the jump shots and chest passes that your heart can handle without any of those ‘urban’ types to bring those slam dunks and handguns and crack to the arena!

(continue reading…)

Aaaah, the War on Terror.

Really, I could just leave that title and that line and mail it in and this would be a success. However, I’ll keep going! I’ll share MORE of my ‘brilliance’ with you peons!

Anyway, the War on Terror…I can’t even type, say or hear that term without giggling. I mean, what are the limits? If Barack Obama was scared of the dark, would the US be launching ‘Operation Perma-Day’ and trying to use atomic weapons to turn the moon in to a second sun? Every sensible child out there is scared of clowns…should we start lining them up against a wall and shooting them? And where can someone volunteer for that duty?

So, back to whatever the Hell my point was going to be! Obviously, part of the War on…okay, I can’t even say it again. Part of protecting the airways from hijackers is airport security screening. If you want some idea of how stringent that security is, I have one line for you :

I was once employed as a gate security screener.

(continue reading…)

Yes indeed, I saw it. And…yep, I saw it. I would say that this may contain spoilers, but that would indicate that there is something here that could be spoiled.

Let’s just make this simple :

The Good

By some miracle, yes, there WAS some good!

-Ninja fights. If I have to explain why this is awesome, you suck.

-Hot chicks in tight costumes. See above.

-Some cool set piece battle sequences.

-Destro’s hatred of the French. Woohoo-ness! Take those frogs out!

-It has been awhile since I’ve seen an ‘arming up and training’ montage. Cheezy, but acceptable in an action movie.

-The Zartan ‘presidential swap’…pretty cool.

The Bad

If one more fucking character had had ‘their past catch up to them’, I would have killed everyone in the damn theatre. Enough! Jesus! Baroness is Duke’s ex-girlfriend? What fuckwit retard dreamed up that shit? Her brother, who got shot up because Duke couldn’t protect the pussy (I wish I was making any of this up) is COBRA COMMANDER? WHAT THE FUCK?! Oh, he THOUGHT the brother died, but in a twist that perhaps would fool any mongoloids in the audience, he isn’t dead! And…oh, SHE doesn’t know that that’s her brother! Was this script found in a box of Cracker Jacks? Did the Days of Our Lives writers take a few days off from the show to write up a movie script?

We have Scarlet the ‘genius girl’ who has to learn to deal with her own mortality. How original…were this 1926, and we were new to this whole ‘talky’ thing.

And oh look, it’s ANOTHER Duke flashback to his lost love who he can’t kill because he still loves her dammit. Pardon me, I need to vomit…too much Hollywood cliche. And at the end of it, he throws on his aviator sunglasses and rides off on his bike. Why don’t you just name the guy Maverick and get it over with?

Super suits? When did this become Crysis : The Film? Oh, but it’s a movie, so we GOTS to have SUPER SUITS!

Hey kids, I'm Generic Joe!

And not even Gil ‘I solve everything’ Grissom could have magically figured out where the Hell Destro and the base were like Frenchy the tech geek commando did.

Christ, did they take over Superman’s polar sanctuary and turn it in to EvilCo?

And of course, there’s the ‘This mission goes against the orders of our government…any man who wishes to leave may do so with no questions asked’ scene with nobody leaving the room. Weeeeeee.

Why in the name of all that doesn’t suck does Snake Eyes, a ninja who doesn’t speak, HAVE LIPS ON HIS MASK?

And it all culminates in basically an underwater version of Star Wars, complete with a pulse cannon version of ‘this battle station is fully operational’ wreckin’ shit.

And the ‘period of silence before we know one of the heroic pilot is alive’ thing. THAT isn’t old!

WHY does the final Cobra Commander mask looks like they took the mask of Jason Voorhees and sent it to Pimp my Ride ?

Honestly, this COULD have actually worked if they’d avoided the hackneyed Hollywood bullshit. They didn’t. It didn’t. Fuck Hollywood.

I know that oftentimes I play at going off the handle on this blog. Well, okay…sometimes I DO snap and lose it but generally I’m playing it up, or taking a bit of anger at some public figure or event and intentionally exaggerating it. This was not one of those times.

One of the feeds in to my Google Reader account is Bizarro Blog, where the guy who draws/writes Bizarro comics posts his work and blathers on about whatever is on his mind. Today, he shared a piece of video he had found online. I watched it. It was one of the most honestly infuriating things I can remember seeing.

I have said many times that I don’t have problems with those of faith, and I don’t. What I have problems with are those of faith who seem to forget that, as believers, they’re not supposed to strut around like ‘chosen’ motherfuckers and rub their God of choice in everyone’s face.

I realize that I haven’t done a good job of ’selling’ this bit of video, but please watch it because I’m curious to know if I’m the only one who was honestly pissed off by the sheer…I don’t even know what word to put here…audacity, stupidity and smug douchebaggery of the people in it. They’re about 14…and I was sadly disappointed when one of them didn’t snap and beat the living fuck out of the other two, because they most sincerely deserved it.

And can we please avoid the normal (and infuriating) response of “Well, they ARE  Americans…haha!”, since that would pretty much make you the smug, stuck up equivalent of the dingbats in that video.

So, this was supposed to be post number one of what I figured would probably be 3 posts going through the Battle of Angoville. And it actually was quite a battle! A third of the way through, I was up 500-228. In the end, I won 119-0. It was a HUGE turnaround from the US, who started slamming my vehicles with anti tank guns, capping grenadiers with hidden snipers and dropping frigging paratroopers seemingly anywhere that I WASN’T. Even as I was running down the final 50 that he had, one of my Panther heavy tanks was blown to kingdom come and he was introducing his first armor to the battlefield.

Yep, it was pretty cool. Too bad that attempting to share it has been such a godawful experience in utter frustration.

Now, I’ve tried including photos in Wordpress posts before without any difficulties. And it’s not like I was going totally screen shot crazy here…at the point where I just out and out gave up (though it was to the point that the alternative was quickly becoming snapping my keyboard in half) I had around 1200 words to MAYBE 13 photos. That really shouldn’t pose a problem, and it wouldn’t except for the fact that the subhuman fucktards who apparently put together Wordpress’ visual editing and formatting were of the same approximate intelligence level of a standard sheet of plywood.

It was one Fubar after another. I would have three photos then text beneath…to anyone with a single degree of reason, that would seem to indicate that the text would appear beneath the photos in the post, right? Oh no! Nope, there’s half a sentence above, a few words squeezed BETWEEN the damn screen shots, then it comes in two thirds done at the bottom. A craptastic miasma of screen shots and words that looked like something vomited forth by a picture book sprung to horrible life. So, let’s shift some photos around. Okay, I’ve 3 in a row vertically, all offset, and…okay, now they’re sort of running together. I have this huge white box around two of them for no goddamn reason. Okay, we’ll try arrnaging them another way. Now, for absolutely no explicable reason a sentence is actually running IN TO the top of the fucking picture on top.

For TWO HOURS I labored to put this goddamn thing together. Thinking that maybe there was another way, I started looking through the list of plugins for Wordpress. Oh, there’s PLENTY for photos…of course, they’re not really arranged in to any sort of sub category, and there are pages and pages for Photo AND for Photos, and not all of them appear in both! AWESOME! Page after page of fucking photo plugins…there’s sidebar widgets, there’s album tools, there’s header tools…there’s nothing to try and help with formatting at all with the main message area. This leads me to believe that it’s impossible to fix the fucktastic garbage heap that is trying to post more than a couple of photos.

Well, I’m a trooper, let’s give it another try! Let’s preview this, okay…wait…why the fuck is there a huge blank towards the end of the post? 3 photo, then half a page of blank, then some text?! I look. Nope, no space like that in the post. It won’t go away. Okay, I delete the text and retype it. OH BOY! THE FUCKING GAP IS STILL THERE! It was at this point that, after uttering several dozen F-bombs and painful suggestions for what the motherfuckers who ‘designed’ this mess (I would describe their actions more as shitting it out) could do, that I completely gave up.

And actually, THAT wasn’t even the final throw in of the towel! I actually STARTED ALL OVER AGAIN using only thumbnail images. That just came out looking ridiculous, though, and it was still all fucked up in terms of message format.

There are many things that I like about Wordpress, but there are many times when trying to do something becomes so needlessly fucking frustrating that I throw in the towel. This isn’t the first post I’ve had to crumple up and toss like I WISH, SINCERELY FUCKING WISH, I could do to the torsos of the wastes of cum who designed this shit software. And the truly infuriating, sad part of this whole mess is that I KNOW it won’t be the last time I’m forced to dump a really good idea because of the limitations of this piece of shit. THAT might piss me off more than anything else. Oh sure, I could probably go about learning how to code everything in HTML and that might help (though it sure as fuck didn’t here!), or spend an hour digging through any possibly applicable plugin to MAYBE find something that will help (quite likely, since the plugins are generally built by users stuck with the same fucked up limitations and issues that I am, as opposed to the mongoloid fucknuts who built this garbage in the first place)…but that sorta sounds like work. Work I’m flat out not being paid for.

This is supposed to be fun. This is supposed to be something I enjoy doing. This is supposed to be a way for me to express myself. And yes, sometimes those expressions ARE of frustrations or things that piss me off…but the MEDIUM I’m FUCKING USING to express those thoughts ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE THE BASIS FOR MY RAGE RISING IN THE FIRST PLACE.

And the kicker is, I’m PAYING for this bullshit. I’m paying for the webspace I’m using and I’m paying for the domain name. And for what? This load of shit? I mean, since it seems apparent that I’m basically limited to mostly text entries anyway, why the fuck am I using this shit over some free piece of crap like Blogger? Sure, Blogger kinda sucks…BUT I’M NOT PAYING FOR IT!

So fuck it. I’m so frustrated and pissed the fuck off with this piece of shit that I don’t give a goddamn. Fuck the blogging challenge, fuck the posts I had planned, fuck it. It ain’t worth it if it’s putting me in a mood like this. As much as I may seem to ‘enjoy’ getting all pissed off at things on here, the point of it is supposed to be that I get that shit OUT on here. It isn’t supposed to be what’s pissing me off in the first place. I’ll be back…around whatever time I stop wishing I could go back in time, find the mother of the designer of piece of shit, and convince her it really would be better for the world if she just paid a visit to good ol’ Doc Coat Hanger in his back alley ‘office’.

Hell, this isn’t even the first draft of this shit…THAT was something even I considered too mean and going a little bit too far.

For the near future, good fucking riddance.

And perhaps spend some of that time…you know…presidenting.

I find myself almost yearning for a return to the Dubya years. Remember what it was like when the President of the United States DIDN’T appear on camera 53 times every goddamn day of the year? Was Obama always a media whore or has that just come along with his presidency, like the secret prize at the bottom of a box of sugary breakfast cereal (you know, the kind that were part of a complete breakfast…if you also consumed 16 vitamin supplements, a raw steak, 6 eggs and the juice of an entire tree’s worth of oranges)?

I find myself wondering with each passing day of ‘All Barack, All the Time’ (excepting the coverage of Al Sharpton trying to shoehorn racial politics in to Michael Jackson’s death) whether it might not be a good idea for someone to tell the guy to shut up and DO SOME WORK for a little while. Maybe give that leading the nation thing the ol’ college try. You are the President of the United States, Barack…you are not a contestant on American Idol. The media is supposed to be your way of getting your work and ideas out to the people…it isn’t supposed to be your actual work unto itself.

You spoke of change, well here’s a change for ya…go inside and do something. It’s becoming a bit bothersome to see a country whose economy is diving to depths deeper than the Marianas Trench, a country still locked in to two foreign wars, a country still incapable of passing anything due to rancorous bi-partisanship…and the supposed leader is seemingly too busy getting face time on E! to do anything about it. I’m not saying all of these problems are yours alone Barack, but you ARE the guy who did a LOT of rambling about changing things. Well, are you planning to start anytime soon? Just wondering. Also, no President EVER should EVER appear on E! unless it’s to tell them “Hey motherfuckers, the Trident missiles will be hitting your studio in 3 minutes.”

Every change has to start somewhere so let’s start small. One week without TV. Oh, you can WATCH TV, Barack, NOBODY is going to try and take away the ‘hilarity’ of the modern sitcom from you (though if we were decent people, and not cold hearted soulless bastards we would), you just can’t be watching yourself from earlier in the day. Could you maybe give it a try?

Besides, less face time for you means more face time for Joe Biden, and that crazy coot will say pretty much ANYTHING. You are many things, sir, but batshit crazy in that funny ‘I don’t give a damn!’ kinda way is not one of them. So let Joe take the TV reins for a bit. You govern, he makes an ass out of himself…win win.

I have a post half written describing the (often hilarious) bug issues I encountered when trying the ArmA 2 demo, but I keep getting distracted. Yesterday was a bit of a boil over at the mock draft fucktards and today…

So, awhile ago I subscribed to Blender…which started life as Maxim Blender (thought it’s notable the ‘Maxim’ part seemed to be getting pretty hard to find on the cover)…a music magazine. Now, Blender stopped printing in April. That sucks, I somehow doubt I’m getting whatever is left off of my subscription back, damn you magazines.

Today I take a look at the mail and saw a magazine…and lo and behold, it’s Maxim. Okay…why the Hell is that here with my name on it??? Did someone subscribe me to this as some sort of gag? Oh look, there’s a sticker on it. Oh, they have arbitrarily decided to just honor the rest of my Blender subscription with something that I never ordered. Isn’t that just fucking awesome.

Here’s the letter I am getting ready to send off to these asshats : (continue reading…)

Yes, a decision has actually been made about the Edmonton Municipal Airport…not just more blathering and talk of nebulous ’studies’ and ‘concepts’ before everyone scurries back to pretending they had anything else to do in their utterly spineless day. And the decision is…close down one of the runways and develop that section of land, and shut down commercial air traffic at that time. It’s a choice that actually makes sense, which is why I’m so completely and utterly baffled to see it come out of Edmonton City Council’s chambers.

Oh, there are the naysayers of course. Tony Caterina is having a little hissy fit, saying Edmonton is not acting like a capital city and thinking of the province. Note to Tony : You’re a fucking CITY COUNCILMAN. It’s YOUR JOB to think OF THE CITY. Of course, you’re the halfwit who brought this issue to the fore in the first place, and one suspects a fair amount of bitter resentment on your part since your reasoning was to argue for EXPANSION of the airport’s commercial service. Hope you’ve enjoyed what will probably be your one and only term, you retarded failure. And Cal Nicholls and his rich guy crybaby club are whimpering that “Now, we’ll have to get our drivers to drive us to the International! It’s not FAIR!” No, what wasn’t FAIR, Cal, was douchebag jagoffs like you and your buddies expecting everyone else to subsidize your little personal aerodrome. And considering the private flights will still be allowed on the runway that is to remain open for the time being, chances are your whining bitchiness won’t actually be for anything until they finally close that one, something I suspect may not happen until your useless corpse is rotting in the ground. Fuck you. (continue reading…)