Peer Pressure Works!

Ah blog, I haven’t forgotten you. Just because I’ve spent so much time lately with the other one doesn’t mean I love you any less…and not just because you’re the place that I can freely litter with F-bombs.

So yes, weird girly shit. Many of you privileged enough to be a part of my Google Reader/Buzz circle no doubt noticed the wonder of Vajazzling. What’s that, you ask? Well, it’s pretty simple…combine Bedazzler with vagina…ta-dah!

“Wow, that sounds ridiculous!” you are no doubt thinking. Oh, if you AREN’T thinking that, I wish for the world to do to you what Quinton Jackson does to Ricardo Arona here…

So, is this real? Yes. Yes it is. She got vajazzled. There are pictures. Like this one.

What the fuck? Ladies, seriously…SERIOUSLY?! Who is this for? The last thing I want to feel when reaching down the front of some girl’s pants ARE BUMPS OF ANY KIND. Doesn’t tend to set the mood, unless the mood you’re shooting for is “Holy shit, I gots to disinfect my hand!” So is it for you, then? What do you get out of it? “When the light hits my vulva just right, it acts like a vaginal prism.” Is that a goal to shoot for? (continue reading…)

That is, of course, unless you don’t trust the judgment of the Waupun Correctional Facility in Wisconsin! And I know I sure do, as any other law abiding citizen certainly would!

It seems that a guy named Kevin Singer, serving a sentence for First Degree Intentional Homicide, got ahold of some D&D gear. Crazy motherfucker even wrote up his own SCENARIO for it…can you IMAGINE?!

Actually…back up a second. First Degree…Intentional…Homicide? First Degree murder is pre-meditated murder, as in “Hey, let’s come up with a detailed plan to kill my cheating whore of a wife.” Do they really have to add the ‘Intentional’ part? Or is it somehow possible to accidentally plan the murder of someone, then follow through completely unintentionally?

“Holy shit, Gus, now that we’ve executed that bastard of a boss in the way that we planned out in detail, I realize this wasn’t actually supposed to happen!”

“Ha! The wackiness!”

“I totally call a mulligan on this extermination of human life.”

Anyway, back to the story at hand…

This fiend named Kevin Singer had started up a little D&D CULT, and they were playing their little games and such. And I think that we all know what THAT entailed : (continue reading…)

Who’s Scott Feschuk? A funny bastard who writes for Maclean’s (Who knew, right?). Every week he answers reader questions in the weekly mailbag : here’s the one written Feb. 3rd. He also writes other entertainment type stuff which tends to be funny. He also keeps up a regular Twitter feed VoiceinPMsHead. Imagine Steven Harper sharing every single imperious thought to enter his head…now make that funny. A couple of examples from yesterday about Jack Layton’s mystery announcement (which turned out to be that he has cancer…poor bastard elf) :

Talking point: Jack Layton’s decision to [whatever he's deciding] once again shows his lack of support for our troops.

 

Then he’s showing TOO MUCH support for our troops. Back off, G.I. Jack. RT @willmurray89: what if announcement is he’s joining the army?

Anyway, his Super Bowl live blog can be found here. I’m also just going to quote the damn thing in its entirety after the break here, because it’s fucking gold…and because that will let me boost my content.

(continue reading…)

Well, it is when it’s done like this.

There is no way in Hell that this is real. It has to be a spoof, but it’s done so well that I don’t care. It makes me do the laughing.

Seriously, this is incredible.

So, these guys in capes and weird armour can just wander the halls of a school without arousing suspicion? Seriously, Bibleman is the offer of a candy bar and a panel van away from being a full on pedophile suspect!

Watch as the show’s token black character displays the temptation of the bad side by throwing on a do-rag! Watch as Satan’s minions use computers to try and tempt children away from geekery and in to a world of…well…basically hanging out in a food court from the looks of it. Thrill to the site of Bibleman and the Hellspawn engaging in combat with energy swords that are totally not a complete rip off of the lightsabers from the Star Wars movies! And enjoy some hot computing action as Bibleman’s sidekick shuts down an evil network while it ineffectually hurls sparks from its keyboard!

All of this and more in the video above. And that’s just scratching the surface. Youtube is replete with countless videos of the hilarity of morality.

At least, one would assume that when you see what they need to include in their safety films. It seems that when they aren’t busy drinking massive tankards of beer and cooking up their latest Reich, Germany suffers from incredible levels of accidental workplace violence.

I also learned an important lesson watching this : sheets of metal, regardless of how flexible they may appear to be, are in fact razor sharp instruments of death.

The Chitling Test of Intelligence. Ever heard of it? Basically, a ridiculously biased test of 15 questions drawn up in the 60’s to allow for ‘fair testing’ of negroes. They constructed the questions to apply to black people. Probably not so funny then, but now…holy hilarity, Batman!

Anyway, even if you HAVE heard of it, you may not have ever actually SEEN it. Well, as a community service to my blog audience (blogience?), I present the test.

(continue reading…)

How do these people find me? Do I attract them?

I logged in to Skype today and there was a message waiting for me, a polite Hello from someone calling himself or herself contentwriter 2009. What a lovely way to start a Skype session! Of course, I have no idea who the Hell this person is, but why let that spoil such a lovely greeting?

Then I received a second Hello…the first had been there for some time. Well, wondering who this was, I asked. And that began the strangest conversation that I think I have ever been involved in. I still have no idea who in the Hell this person is and what they thought I do, but goddamn was this fun!

One last warning…this is long. Like 4300 words long. I’m copy/pasting a lot of chat logs here from our IM conversation.

(continue reading…)

Rogue Warrior is a new game from Bethesda (Elder Scrolls series, Fallout 3) featuring you as Richard Marcinko, a long time Navy Seal. It looks awful. Anyway, Mickey Rourke, he of the ‘what the fuck is with that dude’s face?!’ countless surgeries is the game’s narrator, speaking the parts of Marcinko in the game. Someone put up on Youtube the final credits part of the game featuring Mickey dropping countless f-bombs and weird insults over a mid 90’s era slow jam beat. It is one of the funniest things that I’ve heard in a long time.

Watching this at work would be a bad idea.

Boom time baby indeed, Mr. Rourke. Glorious.

Not really worthy of its own post, but this is so utterly ridiculous and awesome that it had to be posted.