Ever have the experience of having your music collection on shuffle and up pops something that really, REALLY isn’t good at all? That’s been happening to me a lot lately, so it’s time for a purge. And I’ll share it with you lucky bastards because I need to write about something! Weee…chin stroking music nerdness and prodigious ego wankery all rolled in to one spiel!

Beastie Boys – This really, REALLY hasn’t aged well. Or maybe I haven’t aged well. Or something. At any rate, every time they pop up the only thought in my head is “Why did I like this?” I seriously can’t even remember the reason that I own Beastie Boys music. It’s all just started to sound like aging wiggers desperately trying to cling to something interesting. Didn’t work.

Cake – The musical equivalent of a nap. Even the lead singer seems disinterested, so why the Hell should I care?

The Chemical Brothers – WHY?! When did I even obtain this? I don’t remember EVER liking this. Was I drunk? If not, I really should receive a severe beating. I’m actually angered at the presence of this mess on my media drive. Back, demon! The power of Christ compels you to piss off!

The Darkness – Remember how this was all funny and stuff? Yeah, it isn’t anymore. Why would I listen to a no longer funny joke version of a straight up rock band when I could just listen to an actual straight up rock band? One whose lead singer doesn’t sound like he’s being castrated during the performance?

Death Cab for Cutie – One song from a soundtrack. That’s one song too many. I don’t think that a more boring, dull and uninteresting band has ever existed. I would say that maybe we can hope they died in a fiery crash, but that would give them some small final level of notability…and that cannot be allowed to happen.

Infesticons – Um…who is this? Apparently it’s part of a 1 track album…of a group I have never heard of. Where did this even appear from? I think my computer is just conjuring up music. Maybe my existing collection is mating and spawning new stuff. At any rate, this is one fucking ugly baby that nobody should ever, EVER want to listen to. Deleting this is a mercy killing.

K’s Choice – Something else I have no recollection of ever actually obtaining. Really, a Greatest Hits album? You had one song! I’ll give you points for having the balls to claim you had multiple hits, but that counts for nothing because I’m fickle. Go away.

Marilyn Manson – Ah yes, I do like me some big ass crunchy guitars. Thing is, I have lots of music with big ass crunchy guitars. And the other music isn’t shitty pandering nonsense. This might be the first entry that I’m actually somewhat embarrassed by…and that’s coming from someone who apparently has 5 albums worth of Poison songs that he has no intention of getting rid of.

Moby – Okay, did I spend a few years so blissed out on meth that I’ve forgotten a liking of electronic music that apparently existed at some point? I guess this happened. Maybe it’s better that I don’t remember it.

The Offspring – This is a band whose entire existence I had actually forgotten about until it popped up out of nowhere. That’s not really a good indication that I have any interest in them at all anymore.

Tool – I really used to like these guys. Now I just want Maynard to GET TO THE GODDAMN POINT ALREADY. 8 and a half minute long slow, sludgy epics of repeated guitar chords that threaten to beat the listener in to a coma. Maybe I just don’t have the patience anymore, but long songs don’t seem to bother me much when someone else is performing them. Oh wait, that’s because those songs are actually INTERESTING.

Trivium – Hmmm…this is a tough one. They fall in to the same category as Pearl Jam and Beck. When I’m in the right mood, pretty sweet. When I’m not, I want to hunt down the band members and kill them. Either way, I guess that means I give the slightest shit…so they get a reprieve (and I’m probably now on a watch list for uttering threats…Hello, FBI man!)

Anyway, those were the highlights. There was a WHOLE lot of crap so completely unworthy of description that it was simply tossed in to the void. Of course, whatever horrible little elven miscreants put half of that shit in there in the first place will probably replace it with something else. Something worse. I dread the inevitable day when I’ll suddenly notice that I have 113 cover songs performed by Rebecca Black…