The movie is Ninja : Silent Assassin (as opposed to Ninja : Beef Rancher and Ninja : Tax Accountant). I cannot find the actual full movie anywhere, but I CAN produce the final scene. And what a scene it is!
Two villains who really like to emphasize the curse words to a laughable degree. And then they’re in a ninja challenge. And then the costumes appear. Sweet merciful fuck do the costumes appear. Guys in those Day-Glo orange safety reflector vests are stealthier than this crew. The neon ninjas from American Ninja have officially been topped in the ‘World’s Gaudiest Silent Assassin’ competition. These ninjas make the Power Rangers look formal and dignified.
Enough talking. Watch. We’ll talk later.
So many thoughts :
-After the first villain shouts shit, where does the second villain come from? He just sort of pops up in to view…what the Hell was he doing?
-Why do ninjas need some guy named Tiger to control anything? You’re ninjas, for fuck’s sake! Have some pride in your craft.
- Did they get the music from the same guy who made the score for Miami Vice?
-I like how the one bad guy had to confirm that these men were in fact the ‘Knights of Justice’ who they had agreed to fight…TO THE DEATH…over the phone. Because I’m certain that there are loads of expert assassins wandering around in bright yellow costumes and sequins, and you don’t want an embarrassing mix-up.
-I appreciate the fact that they wear head bands identifying them as ninjas. Less confusion that way. Fewer annoyances, like people assuming you’re a gardener and asking questions about how best to care for their perennials. You don’t need that while preparing to do battle…TO THE DEATH.
-Can anyone explain why they even bother covering the lower halves of their faces after they’ve all had plenty of time to identity each other? And everyone walking their dog through the park has memorized the faces of the ‘disco weirdos’?
-Is the black ninja wearing fur gloves?
-Why does vanishing in to nothingness seem to involve a vigorous game of charades?
-If you’re leaping from the immaterium to fight someone…TO THE DEATH, it doesn’t seem very smart to leap in so that your back is to said enemy. Perhaps he’s a special needs ninja.
-Better sound effect : Guy running up the tree, or the weird flippy floppy boomerang noise?
-So ninjas essentially have 2 techniques : slowly, dramatically approach one another OR run right at each other like a couple of spazzy rhinos.
-Well, I just killed a fairly lackluster villain. Time to walk off nonchalantly like I’m strolling to get some breakfast…while looking like ninja Big Bird.
This might be the greatest piece of video in the history of moving picture shows. Pure genius.
