Tomorrow, the big software switch happens at work. This has been in the works for quite some time. I’ve also been dreading this for quite some time. I’m not alone in that. I’m also seriously considering filling up a flask with whiskey and taking that to work tomorrow. Is it too late to start shooting smack?
Let’s recap what a debacle this has been from start to finish :
-Hey, let’s get everyone in to training! We’ll schedule it.
-Everyone else goes to Calgary over time for it. Apparently my existence is missed by the coordinators down there.
-What I missed : a guy going through the modules and reading them out loud. No interaction. Nothing actually learned.
-Oh boy, I DO get to take them…online! What I got : A guy reading the modules word for word, even though I could read them on screen. Well, that came after about an hour of technical glitches suffered by everyone. What I learned from that wondrous day : nothing.
-Apparently there was ‘a plan’ put in place by Cameron corporate down in Houston. they even emailed us copies…on June 22nd. The plans we were sent had items starting at the end of May. Either they didn’t think that people knowing when certain things had to be done MIGHT be helpful, or they realized that they should at least look like they had a consistent course of action for this and made it up that day to keep up appearances. I lean towards the latter.
-Okay guys, we have an interactive sandbox set up where you can log in to a secondary server we’ve set up for training purposes and muck around and figure out how the system works. Oh, it doesn’t work and doesn’t let you actually do anything? Well, it’s apparently beyond our means to make it work, so you wacky Canucks will just have to figure it out when the time comes!
-Hey everyone, the early version of SAP (the name of this horror. I’m sure the S stands for Shit. I don’t care what the rest means) is up and running!
-Hey everyone, the early version of SAP isn’t working! We have to re-install it!
-Hey everyone, we can’t re-install it so we have to get you to do it yourselves! Not to worry, the system of batch files we’ve created have a 60% success rate of actually working (this was the actual percentage given in the email. For all I know, 40% of people are still screwed)!
-Hey everyone, now that you’ve done that it turns out that this version of SAP is massively incompatible with the version of Adobe Reader that you all have installed! Sure, we probably should have known that seeing as we’ve been using both for YEARS, but we didn’t think to mention it. So now your poor local IT people have to remotely roll back Adobe Reader installs on about 1,500 computers in 2 days.
-We’re going live!
-Um…cancel that…but we’ve still shut you all out of the program you WERE using for basically everything. So now you get to make like it’s 1986 and do everything by hand for over a week. Then when we go live and you’re unsure of what you’re doing in the new program, you’ll be trying to shove through massive backlogs of paperwork while figuring things out.
-Okay, we’re going live next week, so get everything done that you can this week to prepare (this was last week).
-Cancel that…more tech problems! Odd how we keep running in to massive technical issues with software we have apparently been using for years and are supposedly comfortable with…
-Okay, TOMORROW we go live! Oh, except Cliff and a few others : See, we apparently screwed up and didn’t give you proper access. So now a system of forms and bureaucratic red tape must be gone through for us to un-fuck the situation.
-Not to despair, we’re sending a trainer to your branch! Yes, she’ll be there Tuesday. For a half day. We figure that’s enough.
And there we have it. Not one person actually knows how this system works. ‘Training’ consisted of a guy reading stuff. Then we got to do modules which involved typing specific numbers in to specific lines with absolutely no context or explanation for what you were actually emulating at the time. It was pointless.
Nobody’s ‘training’ covered such matters as how to enter time to get paid. Or how to access any pay stub/benefits information online. It’s all on a special set up with a couple of workstations set up for permanent access to that information. Well, that’s apparently what is supposed to happen, anyway. The reality is a few monitors and a mouse sitting in a corner of the warehouse awaiting a couple of those ‘computer’ things to show up and be hooked up to…and for anyone to explain what network exactly they’re being connected to. But hey, no rush…this is all only supposed to be ready to go tomorrow.
We DO have a fancy label printer and some neat-o scanner guns in the warehouse! Nobody knows what in the fuck we’re supposed to use them for. That also wasn’t covered in any training. Neither was any information given about how we actually access our orders now. The shop got a new terminal to somehow enter their hours. Well, they got a rolling cabinet to put said terminal in to (I know because I built it). No terminal yet, though. But hey, we’ve got plenty of time to…oh.
We do get a trainer or two tomorrow. They’re scheduled for a half day, and are to ‘evaluate’ the branch’s needs after that. I hope she shows up ready to take out a mortgage on a house, because that chick isn’t leaving any time soon.
I have seen a lot of companies do a lot of dumb tings very stupidly. I have never, EVER experienced anything that was such a cluster fuck from beginning to end. Not one aspect of this mess was done right…nothing. It has been a never-ending shit show that just won’t stop.
Tomorrow is going to suck. The near future is going to suck. The odds being thrown around at work are that 2 people minimum will quit before this is finally, mercifully over. We aren’t kidding.
If I seem to have a weird twitch or bizarre facial tic or anything like that over the next little while, you’ll know why. This will also explain any near-future homicide charges or mental fractures.
Weeeeee….
