Just trying to compete with what I expect will be wild and somewhat inappropriate front page newspaper headlines in the morning.

So yeah, I guess Osama got himself a case of shot dead. First off, I would like to thank him for dying and freeing the global media from one more word of discussion about the royal wedding between Prince What’s his name and Princess Tuesday or whatever. They are now free to get on with their lives and enjoy married life…though it looks like the Prince kinda got a jump on that already…

ANYWAY! So yes, Osama is dead (or, as Fox News apparently hilariously called him tonight, ‘Obama bin Laden’. WHOOPS! Guess going to that well too many times in the past has come back to bite them right in the ass), and I just kind of feel like riffing a bit.

1. Seriously, what the fuck is happening in that picture?!

2. So I guess actually listening to your intelligence agencies and what they’re finding, and giving them time to work without political interference, kinda works eh? Who woulda thunk it…

3. So, spec ops guys went wading in to Pakistan and did this? Balls of steel. No, screw that…balls of some element so awesomely resilient that nature will not let it exist.

4. Speaking of Pakistan : How exactly is this going to go over there? Large swaths of that country have shifted to such hardcore Islamism that the military is scared shitless to enter them. I’d imagine they won’t exactly be thrilled that their government signed off on this, or was considered such an afterthought that they weren’t even told. That’s a frightening thought when we’re talking about a country that has a couple dozen nukes.

4 Part 2. Speaking of Pakistan : The fact he’s been able to live in that country sort of blows apart the whole ‘ally in the War on Terror’ myth, doesn’t it? I mean it’s always been a ridiculous claim, considering that their intelligence organization has been equipping the Taliban since the early 90′s, but does this mean that outright lie can just please go away? It’s fairly unlikely that he was there for this long and nobody knew about it.

5. Will we ever see such an up front leader of a terrorist organization again? I mean sure, it can help your group become a focal point of attention (which tends to be part of the point), but it also runs the risk of marginalizing your entire organization when you get yourself gunned down.

6. Any chance that whoever the Republican nominee in 2012 could run as the ‘Defense candidate’ or ‘Security candidate’ or the ‘I’ll Kick Ass for YOU’ candidate just got capped right alongside bin Laden. And that leaves them with…uhhhh….hmmm…’The guys who yell a lot’? Perhaps they could run under a ‘Mission Accomplished…eventually’ banner. ‘Cracker Power’, maybe? “Come on, we know we aren’t the only white people who cross the street to avoid meeting visible minorities on the sidewalk!” might work.

7. As for the people currently celebrating in front of the White House, I’ll admit that it’s a bit odd. But let’s be honest, 90% of those people are college students looking for any excuse to pound back cases of cheap beer and yell “DUUUUUUUDE!” a lot. Yes there is something discomfiting about watching people act like a free concert is going on when the guy is finally killed…ten years later. It’s also incredibly douchey to be one of the people on Twitter tut-tutting and doing the equivalent of finger wagging. Everyone involved already have moms.

8. Do you work for a company that makes flags? Plan for some overtime…(yes, I’m padding this with my own Twitter content)

9. Think about this. Last night, Obama was at the White House Correspondents Dinner (and holy sit is that dude’s pimp hand strong! He mocked the living shit out of Trump right to that batshit crazy fucker’s face). He KNEW this was probably going down very soon…and nothing. Not a twitch, not a bead of sweat, nothing. The lesson? NEVER EVER PLAY POKER WITH BARACK! Also, he might be a robot.

10. I did specifically mention Pakistan before, but it will be interesting to see the mood of most of the Middle East tomorrow. I guess we’ll soon know exactly how much pull this guy actually still had.

11. The words ‘good riddance’ come to mind.

Anyway, enough ramblings. I have no neat, clean way to end this, so it will just come to an abrupt finish like one would get from a bullet….

Hey, gotta finish inappropriately, too!

UPDATE!

One of the news agencies in China has this habit of releasing news stories with accompanying animated videos (probably most famously their interpretation of the whole Tiger Woods incident). Anyway, they have struck once more with their Osama story. It’s…ummm…colorful. It’s also so crass that it fits perfectly here.