Or, as it’s better known to me, “PRO FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS IN YO GRILL, MUTHAFUCKA!” Or something.

Went 2-2 last week. Hoping to do better this week. Insert hockey player interview bits about giving it 110% (why is it always 110? Why not 112? 123?), burying my chances and doing a better job playing an all around game.

Pittsburgh over Baltimore – This is going to be a great game if you like defense. I don’t mean one of those lame 17-16 games kept low scoring more by incompetence than defensive play (I’m looking at you, Colts-Jets game from last week). I mean two of the nastiest, most physical D’s in the game smashing the shit out of people. Big running backs following big blockers while big linebackers try to tear their goddamn limbs off. In other words, fun. Well, maybe not for the poor bastard being stripped of his legs, but it’s great for us! Should be close, at least 6 players will die during the game, and the Steelers will eke out a win.

Atlanta over Green Bay – The toughest call of the week for me. I really like the Packers, and the Falcon pass defense is fairly weak. I’m just not willing to buy in to James Starks being an indicator of a resurgent Green Bay running game and balanced offense so much as a one game fluke against a defense than sells out to rush the passer. Green Bay’s defense is also great, but the Falcons have a scary offense. This comes down to whether or not a secondary Atlanta receiver steps up and makes some plays…clearly, I think it will happen.

Chicago over Seattle – I have already developed a hate for the Minnesota Vikings for costing me a fantasy football league title by letting Michael Vick destroy them in Week 16 (I lost by ONE GODDAMN POINT). Now I have a growing dislike for the New Orleans Saints for being so incompetent on defense that the Seahawks are still in the playoffs. Never have I cheered for the Chicago Bears, or King Douchebag Jay Cutler, or Lord of Pomposity Mike Martz. Now I’m forced to, because this is a battle between good and evil…okay, evil and deplorable, but evil isn’t that bad in comparison, right? Seattle has to leave their cushy dome to play outdoors in Illinois in January. If the Bears don’t win this game under those circumstances, they should be relegated to a lower level of competition.

New England over New York Jets – Why is Antonio Cromartie smack talking Tom Brady? Is it so we notice more when he gives up 3 touchdown passes on Sunday? Antonio, dude…you haven’t been better than average for three years now. You’re calling out the highest scoring offense in the league. And the last time these guys played you, your team lost by 6 touchdowns. A lot of those points came through you. Seriously, watching and hearing the Jets talk trash this week has reminded me of that Super Bowl lead in between the Eagles and the Pats, when Freddie Mitchell of all people started a war of words with Rodney Harrison. In the end, Rodney was the best defensive player in the game, while Freddie was a one catch afterthought remembered only for being a colossal draft bust, blaming his teammate Terrell Owens for DARING to get open and ‘stealing’ catches, and some pretty dapper looking hats. The outcome here probably won’t be much different. Last year, the Jets trash talk came off as brash and confident…this year, it sounds a bit too much like they’re trying to convince themselves.