Bring on the playoffs, beeyatch! I went a shocking 13-3 in the final week of the regular season, putting my total regular season mark at 166-90.

Indianapolis over New York Jets – There are two things that I can’t get out of my head when thinking about this game.

1. Images of Tom Brady tearing the supposedly awesome Jets defense to shreds in a 45-3 ass kicking during the season.

2. Mark Sanchez consistently panicking and throwing some of the dumbest, weirdest interceptions that I have ever seen whenever a defensive player comes within a 6 foot radius of him.

Can the Jets run the ball on Indy? Certainly. But Sanchez will panic and create some impressive turnovers out of nothing when Freeney and company start treating him like one of those inflatable clown punching bags for kids. And if Brady can rip up New York’s overrated secondary, so can Peyton Manning. It doesn’t help that Rex Ryan keeps ramping up the pressure on his own team every time he opens his fat mouth, probably leading many on the roster to hope he just shoves an attractive foot in there and shuts the fuck up.

New Orleans over Seattle – If the Saints fail to win this game by at least 2 touchdowns they should immediately be contracted from the league. Seattle took until mid week to even figure out who their quarterback will be. They went 7-9, but snuck in thanks to winning the shittiest sports division in the history of man (Yes, even worse than the travesty that was the UGG! Division in season 3 of cave man sports league…hit stuff hard!). They have no pass rush, no coverage, and no way to stop the Saints from passing for about 500 yards. Yes, the fact that New Orleans is down to Reggie Bush and a towel boy in a helmet at running back will be a problem down the road, but it shouldn’t be here.

Baltimore over Kansas City – The Chiefs live by the running game and the Ravens kill that like fire. The playoffs are new to the Chiefs. They’re postseason virgins. And the Ravens are going to sweet talk those stupid innocents in to giving it up.

Green Bay over Philadelphia – The Eagles have not played well the past 2 weeks against the Cowboys and Vikings, 2 teams that combined to go 12-20 this year. Both of them figured out that blitzing Michael Vick from unexpected directions causes him to revert to Classic Michael : Panicky running around, fixating on one receiver, forcing the ball and taking off and running way too early in the play. I suspect the Packers are smart enough to do something similar, and they have the talent to pull it off. Green Bay won’t score a ton of points what with their one trick pony of an offense (Have Aaron Rodgers throw a lot and hope he doesn’t get concussed again!), but I think they can score more than the Eagles.