First off, credit to Sean Woods for digging up this fantastic video. It really is quite a delightful discovery and I’m happy to see that when it comes to sharing the really good shit, the consortium is still in full effect yo.

So yes, the video! Apparently it’s based on a computer game. A really bad computer game. The game seems to be about what crack heads see when they look upon the world or something.

Actually, it is allegedly a religious game…about racing animals. Yes, really. Apparently the Holy Spirit doesn’t get much print time in the Bible because he was constantly visiting Off Tracking Betting sites and putting down 50 on the 3rd horse in race 4 to place at Pimlico.

Enjoy this absolute mess, including the bizarre and yet captivating introduction to the game itself.

Before we get to the theology of this, let’s focus on the video. Was the audio recorded in a supply closet? Actually, I don’t know if those are actual people speaking or some sort of weird early 90’s ‘Your Computer Talks!’ type program. Either way, it’s atrocious. REALLY, REALLY atrocious. And the animation…ZOUNDS! Watch the guy’s arm from 1:41 on…what the fuck kind of palsy is this person suffering from?! Then there’s that weird rotating thing he starts doing from about the 3 minute mark…is he possessed? Possibly by the spirit of a record player? And what kind of librarian recommends THE DICTIONARY to people? A book called CREATURE RACES? And then she tells the guy that he reads too much! Uh, sweetie…people will stop reading if you convince them of that, and then you’re out of a job.

Now, let’s talk about the religion here, which seems to be all about God organizing and announcing really, REALLY badly animated animal races.

Apparently God decides that the best thing to do would be to transform these oafs in to animal creatures…including two people who have done nothing more than stand around in the background! Talk about the Job treatment. Only a vengeful God would change people who have done nothing in to horribly animated beasts…and then use those beasts as artillery ammunition in a wacky race event.

“What else can ever happen to us today?” Know who talks like that? My nephew. He’s 5 years old, and he hasn’t quite learned how to always construct sentences in the proper way yet. What the fuck is the excuse of these people?

From listening to his speech, it sounds like this version of God really likes him some ganja. A LOT of ganja. And fifth rate blues-rock with lyrics written by functional retards. And gettin’ his disco on.

Around the 7 minute mark, is that track going through Hell? Seems like an odd location for a course run by God. “I had 3 grand bet on you, you worthless rhino! I cast thee DOWN, bitch!”

HOLY SHIT! The spectators DON’T HAVE LEGS! This is clearly vengeful dick Old Testament God.

What does the winner of this race receive? And why does God appear to be seated in the Lincoln Memorial? Where did the disco go?

Last of all, where in the fuck can I sign up to join this faith?

By the way, for those wondering if maybe this video was spliced together as a way of mocking this mess, that video was actually put together by the people responsible for this…epic, Cougar Interactive. It really says something about a company when their symbol is a cougar in a pirate hat and eye patch. Sweet mercy, there is a 4-animal 1-track trial version of the game. This must be installed. I sense a series of posts covering The You Testament and this spectacle of all that is good. Woot! Near future content!