With both Liam and Chad writing up Christmas posts looking back on the days of yore, I felt compelled to do the same. I also 
realize this blog has recently become nothing more than a football picks repository, and I need to shake it up.
Thinking back on Christmases past, I have a few memories that stand out. That one that every kid has of really trying to look happy when grandma sent another sweater, while inside they raged with thoughts of of “What the Hell? I can’t play with a goddamn sweater!” I remember getting a new sled, then using it to inflict massive bodily trauma upon myself on the sledding hills around Grande Cache (which tended to be tree lined and steep). I remember getting an RC car that broke the first day, then going with my dad to exchange it for Verbot. I owned a robot! That’s ALWAYS awesome, regardless of your age. Sure, he was kind of a retard who didn’t always understand what you said and did the wrong thing, but he was a robotic servant nonetheless.
I remember the escalating state of toy armaments that happened with friends, as every year someone would get the next level of firepower for our town battles as we ran around the neighbourhood, trampling people’s gardens as we sought cover and engaging in arguments about whether or not someone was dead. I especially remember the year that I ended up the victor in our little Cold War turned Hot with an Uzi that made realistic gun sounds, and that had smoke that poured from the barrel. Deal with THAT level of firepower, boys! Oh, that little plastic M16 you got is just ADORABLE.
I remember the one year that we actually took the family trip back to Ontario, where essentially the entire extended family lives, for Christmas. We had seen reports of awful weather and unsafe driving conditions, but my dad and I still bundled up to leave the hotel (not sure when we were in a Toronto hotel, but I know we were at some point) for a food run. We encountered temperatures of perhaps –10 with a small amount of snow blowing around. We laughed heartily at the Eastern candy asses. I also remember us staying at the home of my Uncle Ed and Aunt Mabel, and their kids had come home as well. One of my cousins woke everyone up at something like 6 o’clock in the morning. Delightful.
As for Christmas now, this year is one I’m really looking forward to. I’ve always been someone who likes Christmas, and that’s been magnified since I became an Uncle. Well, okay…the first year of Natalie existing wasn’t that interesting from a yuletide standpoint : Oh look, she’s rolling around and doing the usual stuff and has no idea what the Hell is going on. But since they’ve started figuring it out, it’s a blast. The past couple of years they’ve been away in Winnipeg, so I’ve missed that whole Christmas thing with the kids. This year, I’m making the trek down from here to High River on Boxing Day. Boxing Day will be Christmas 2 as another set of gifts are exchanged with a whole new Christmas feast. Ham here on the 25th, turkey there on the 26th, a stroke for me sometime on the 27th. It should be a lot of fun.
Also, allow me to extol the virtues of shopping early. Seriously, it works so much better if you’re able to…no rush to get EVERYTHINGRIGHTNOW. No massive crowds. No clogged parking lots. No stress. And you can mock everyone else like a superior douchebag. Truly the spirit of the holidays!
And my usual Christmas Eve traditions will still happen tonight. I’ll go for a stroll sometime tonight (this happens regardless of weather. Cold out? Bundle up! Resemble a man for 2 seconds!), then I’ll spend much of the night watching my traditional holiday fare. This will include Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, then Badder Santa and Die Hard 2 (it takes place at Christmas!). Normally it’s Die Hard 1, but I need to shake it up a bit. So we’ll replace Alan Rickman falling to his death with that spec ops guy going through the engine of a jumbo jet. Ho ho ho! Mix that cinematic gold with plenty of beer and it’s a festive night of cheer for Cliff!
Whatever your traditions may be, no matter what you plan to do with your Christmas, have a merry one.
Are you gonna be the one to question what the Dark Lord of the Sith wants for you? He can choke you from a distance and has an energy sword, you know! Do you really want your family’s Christmas filled with memories of charred chunks of you being cleared away by coroners?
