And only you can help him in the appropriately named Flash amusement Goddamn Snack Time with Rex Ryan.
For those who don’t follow the NFL, this was Jets Head Coach Rex Ryan before his diet (not that he’s exactly svelte these days) :
Now, imagine that large gentlemen spewing out trash talk and cursing a lot and you pretty much have him down.
In this thrilling contest, you are Rex Ryan. Your hungry…goddamn hungry, when suddenly snacks begin to fall from the sky! Run around and gather up all the heart clogging goodness you can, and avoid those healthy options! Those are for pansies.
Things are made more difficult when Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick appears with a camera, and begins recording you and shooting some of those delicious heart attack causes out of the air with a camera mounted laser. You can get a bit of a head start by eating enough burritos to cause gaseous emissions sufficient to let you briefly take flight.
Then Patriots sweatshirts appear…get caught under one and you’ll run around in a panic, flailing your arms as you hammer on the space bar to escape. The same methods will be needed whenever you’re distracted by the ass of a comely lass. Or if you are unfortunate enough to grab a falling Shake Weight.
Oh look, it’s Tom Brady! Consume him and you’ll gain his incredibly Bieber hair…but beware his ferocious bullet passes!
As you eat food and quarterbacks and whole live pigs, your meter will near full. You’re almost there! You’re almost…oh SHIT! It’s Tony Dungy on a horse, castigating your choices and force feeding you vegetables…son of a BITCH! Can YOU defeat him?
Stalk Me Elsewhere