Scheduling craziness begins this week with the games kicking off tomorrow, so you get to read this wonderful post THAT MUCH EARLIER! Stupendous!

Last week was a nice little 9-4 week, bringing my season total so far to : 77-51.

Baltimore over Atlanta – Potential Super Bowl matchup. This is actually an extremely tough game to call. I normally go with the home team in these situations, but Atlanta has that little thing about them that bugs me. It’s like that new neighbour you have who seems like a really nice guy…but you could totally see him slaughtering his family in the basement with a hatchet. It’s like that. Only probably without the brutal murders.

Buffalo over Detroit – Both of these teams have played much better than their combined record of 2-14 (not that that’s really much in the way of a bold statement). It’s going to be a festival of mentions of the ‘grit’ and ‘pluck’ shown by both of these teams this year during the broadcast. The Lions probably have the better team, but I’ve just got a feeling. Of course, I said the same thing last week, and that was a bitter failure. I can’t learns!

Chicago over Minnesota – Yes indeed, the week after I pick the Bears to lose to Buffalo I’ve got them beating Minnesota. Consistency is for suckers, man. Also for suckers : picking the Minnesota Vikings. Brett Favre put up a career high in passing yards last week, and yet his mistakes early on nearly cost his team the game. Brad Childress shows the same level of competence for coaching that an infant typically demonstrates for not shitting itself. And while I hate the Chicago Bears and their jock yokel quarterback, I cannot pick them to lose this game.

Tampa Bay over Carolina – The Carolina Panthers have played 8 games this season. In those 8 games, their offense has scored a grand total of 88 points. That’s a special kind of atrocious. That’s like going out with Kim Kardashian and NOT getting the pussy. They can choose from any of 3 crappy quarterbacks and 2 under achieving running backs to lead their collective of incompetence on to the field. This should be an ass kicking.

Jacksonville over Houston – If this was the Houston Texans of a couple weeks ago, my pick would be different. It isn’t. They’ve gone out in two straight games and looked absolutely lifeless, as though they’ve been cursed by gypsies to forever be a .500 football team. Jacksonville is no great shakes, but I think they pull off the win at home. Also, as I’ve mentioned before, AFC South teams almost always split their season series. So I’ll give the Jags the win in their home game.

Miami over Tennessee – I made this pick before the Dolphins inexplicably made a switch at quarterback to Chad Pennington. Sorry, but a re-tread dude who has had 2 or 3 major surgeries on his throwing shoulder doesn’t exactly full me to the brim with confidence. It would be like sending a Navy SEAL team in to a combat zone, but only after replacing one of the regular members in the unit with a 53 year old former commando…he totally has experience! Still, I think the Dolphins get their first win at home here. Even Old Man Penny should be able to throw on the ghastly Titans secondary.

New York Jets over Cleveland – The Browns win when Peyton Hillis can run for massive yardage. The Jets don’t let teams run on them. I don’t see Cleveland winning again this week.

Indianapolis over Cincinnati – The Cincinnati Bengals AREN’T what we thought they were, that being a successful football team. They’re a 2-6 train wreck with an under achieving defense and a quarterback who seems to have forgotten how to be good on a consistent basis. The Colts lost last week, but they should be able to punch this listless opponent around the field for four quarters.

Kansas City over Denver – The Denver Broncos are an atrocious train wreck of a team, led by a coach who appears to be a 16 year old refugee from the cast of Glee. He also has all the coaching acumen one would expect from a 16 year old refugee from the cast of Glee. Denver seems to have forgotten that running the ball is allowed, which is weird since they brought approximately 794 running backs to training camp this year. You’d think that would serve as some kind of reminder. The Chiefs don’t win pretty, but they win, and that’s more than can be said about the Broncos.

San Francisco over St. Louis – Hello, upset special of the week! San Francisco has been an atrocious mess all season. It’s improved a bit by the switch from Alex “Bottom of the Barrel” Smith to Troy “At Least You Can Still Claim I Have Potential” Smith at quarterback, but the bigger issue is the fact that head coach Mike Singletary is a buffoon. Still, I smell an upset in the air…I hope that’s what that smell is…

New York Giants over Dallas – Remember before the year started, when this looked like a good matchup? Yeah. Now that Wade Phillips and the constant look of befuddlement on his face has been fired, there are absolutely zero reasons to watch a Dallas Cowboys game…unless you hate them. Then there is the joy of watching them get their ass kicked. And this week, they should get their ass kicked. After all, replacing Wade with the offensive coordinator who seemed to forget that the team was built as a run first kind of offense doesn’t seem to be much of a recipe for improvement. The players have clearly given up on the season. Old Man Kitna might be dead before half time.

Arizona over Seattle – Witness an epic battle between the forces of below average and the legions of not quite mediocre! This game looks abysmal. It will be broadcast here because we’re in a Seahawks broadcast zone. I will cry. Seriously, I demand an investigation be brought against the NFL for even letting this travesty exist. Cardinals-Seahawks is a crime against humanity.

Pittsburgh over New England – The Patriots lost to the Browns (THE BROWNS) last week because they couldn’t even slow down the power rushing attack. Last I checked, the Steelers have a power rushing attack. That’s pretty much that.

Philadelphia over Washington – The Washington Redskins seem to be in the midst of their usual mid season crumbling. The coach and quarterback seem to be bickering. The defense still doesn’t have the right personnel for the scheme they’re trying to run. And with several healthy games under his belt, Ryan Torain seems about due for his latest major injury. Philly isn’t a great team, and they’re coached by a man who seems like he would be frightened and confused by such advanced concepts as fire and the wheel, but they seem to be capable of playing cohesive football.