Another 9-7 week last week leaves me at a stupendous 26-22 on the year, which is pretty awful. Can’t remember the last time my record was this bad after 3 weeks. So of course I’ll keep typing up pitiful predictions and embarrassing myself!

NY Jets over Buffalo – I was actually pleasantly surprised by the performance of Bills quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick last week, but the Pats defense he was facing is a pathetic shadow of the unit that led them to one Super Bowl after another. The Jets annoy the shit out of me, but they’re also going to remind everyone just how bad the Bills are at pass blocking. And Buffalo’s defense is racked with injuries.

Cincinnati over Cleveland – What the Hell has happened to Carson Palmer? A few years back, he was on the verge of elite status as a quarterback. Now he looks like a different guy entirely, indicating to me that the invasion of the pod people has begun. Of course, a day against the Browns should make anyone look good. George Blanda could probably put up 250 yards and a couple scores on Cleveland, and he died last weekend. And any time your choice at quarterback is between Jake “Picks in bunches” Delhomme or Seneca “Hope nobody notices I’m a wide receiver” Wallace, your offense is atrocious.

Tennessee over Denver – Denver quarterback Kyle Orton threw for 476 yards last week and LOST the game. Why? Their coach is a self appointed genius who forgets to run the ball, and their defense is a puddle of runny shit. Nothing has changed in either case. Chris Johnson might run for 300 yards on that Swiss cheese D. And any time you can limit the number of times Vince Young needs to pass to less than a dozen, the Titans are probably winning the game…so they probably win this one.

New Orleans over Carolina – The Saints have been less than impressive in all 3 games they’ve played this year, with their offense looking weirdly out of sync. That should be mended against the Panthers, a team with not a single defensive tackle on their roster who I can actually name. Carolina sucks, and New Orleans is about to get it’s groove back. And for stealing titles from decade old chick flicks for jokes, I shall commit twenty lashes upon myself.

Green Bay over Detroit – The Packers need to find a running game, but it probably won’t matter this week against the Lions. I can’t see the Detroit offense doing much, especially with Jahvid Best still nursing injuries and Shaun Hill looking in the mirror and seeing himself looking back before the game.

St. Louis over Seattle – The Rams have astounded me this year, and this game is at home. The Seahawks D has actually played well, and it’s masked the fact that they lack playmakers on offense. I smell an upset in the air. Then again, that could be residual odour from this stinker of a game.

Atlanta over San Francisco – Proving he’s a failure at everything, Niners head coach Mike Singletary told his offensive coordinator he was secure in his position…a day before firing him. The new guy promises to open up the attack. The problem with that plan is that Alex Smith and David Carr are still the options San Fran has available to them at quarterback. Meanwhile, the Niners haven’t possessed a pass rush since about 1998, meaning Matt Ryan gets all day to rip apart their over aggressive cornerbacks. Those guys are probably biting on play fakes in practice.

Baltimore over Pittsburgh – This will be an ugly, nasty, physical game. I just think the Ravens have a slight edge in overall talent, particularly on the lines. And I cannot imagine Charlie Batch’s deal with the devil allows him to play 2 straight weeks of fantastic football.

Houston over Oakland – This could be a trap game for the Texans, going to Oakland to face the #3 defense in the league and a good running game. I just have a feeling they’ll be pissed off after getting obliterated by the Cowboys last week. Of course, Al Davis might get in to the visiting locker room before the game starts and devour the soul of Mario Williams…

Indianapolis over Jacksonville – This is going to be ugly. Indy might be up by 4 touchdowns by half time. If the result here is anything but the game equivalent of a prison shower rape, a miracle has taken place.

Philadelphia over Washington – It’s the team that used to employ Donovan McNabb and has switched to Michael Vick vs. the team that currently employs Donovan McNabb. Vick has looked great this year, though I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to just start flinging absurd passes to a guy who’s triple covered because he can’t be bothered to read a defense. Washington lost by 14 points TO THE RAMS. Nothing else need be said.

San Diego over Arizona – Remember last year? Yeah, this would have been an interesting game last year. This season it’s two has-been teams with mediocre talent fighting to determine who will be closer to the middle of the pack this year. The only way that this could be less compelling would be to somehow find a way to shoe horn the comedy stylings of Carrot Top in to the mix.

NY Giants over Chicago

I see a desperate Giants team stepping up and handing the Bears a loss. Of course, as one New York starter after another shows up as being out for the game, this is becoming less likely with each passing hour…but I’m stubborn and dumb, so I’m sticking with my original choice. I also really don’t like Jay Cutler and would quite enjoy watching 60 minutes of Justin Tuck and the boys pounding him in to the turf like a tent spike. And frankly, he’s due for one of his “What the Hell is he thinking?!” 4 interception games.

Miami over New England – The Patriots gave up 30 points TO THE BUFFALO BILLS. Lucky for them they scored 38 to win, but they’re playing a real defense this week, so that isn’t anywhere near as likely to happen again. Meanwhile, I see no reason why the Dolphins can’t put down some big plays on a Pats D that looks about as sturdy as fog.