The raw feed

I’m tired. Both days of this past weekend featured fantasy football drafts, and they drafted in the morning. Yes indeed, I was up at 9 AM on a goddamn Saturday. And there you go…I won’t get up on a weekend morning for any of you, but I will for a fantasy football draft. AHAHA…God, I’m a loser.

So yeah, up early…and of course I still stayed up late. Cause going to bed early on a weekend is crazy talk. So now I’m tired and feeling kinda frazzled and foggy and all that fun stuff. And when I get like this, I find the negatives start to jump a bit to the fore.

I don’t generally get too down or freaked out about things. I’m certainly not going to claim that I’m always Capt. Positive…Hell, I hate those people. Is there truly anything worse than being stuck near some jackass who can’t stop grinning and rambling on about how “Everything is so wonderful!” today? It’s days like that when I hope that an announcement will be made that “Hey everyone, we’ve decided to make today ‘Beat someone with a lead pipe’ day! Go right ahead and assault someone with no concern of legal repercussions!’.

I most definitely have days when the worries and the down side to things come to the fore, though, with today being a prime example. All the self doubt creeps out to the surface and all the frustration takes over. I figured maybe I’d throw some of it out here so that you can all fret and suggest I perhaps seek medication and be placed on suicide watch. And really, just in search of some basic catharsis by at least getting some of this out of my sub conscious mind so that perhaps my thoughts can move on.

Am I really a good friend, or do I get too wrapped up in my own bullshit and run away when things are ‘tough’? Have I done so for so long that people perceive me as some kind of emotionless automaton? Are they right?

Do I poke fun at people in an attempt to pull them down to where I see myself? Maybe I’m not being funny, but I’m just a callous asshole out to vindictively crush everyone else.

Is all the supposed positive growth just a facade that I’ve put up to convince myself that I’m not the same scared and pathetic little creature that I was before?

We’ll go with that and call it the ‘Fuck it all’ teaser platter. Will I feel that way tomorrow? Probably not. Will I feel that way again? Most definitely. Will I let that kind of thinking steer what way I’m heading? Not so far…