Social media makes companies bitches

I don’t know, maybe technology concerns have always been like this. Maybe they would call people up and beg them to try their stuff, or randomly fax off urgent “We need you to try our apps! We’ll throw in a free toaster oven if you do!” in the ‘stone age’ of technology. Maybe I just wasn’t privy to this kind of stuff from these people.

I DO know that they’re at it hard core these days. Those cute little search bots are sifting through your tweets and blog posts and everything else, trying to sniff out some mention of their firm. What’s often hilarious is that there is zero understanding of context.

Example 1 : Chad was complaining on Twitter about how much he hated RedDot. Seeing as I enjoy a good purging of rage, I egged him on. Within  minutes of doing so, I suddenly received two messages. One was from RedDot, the other was from either an employee or a power user. Both were all kinds of thrilled that I was talking about their product and included invitations to visit them in Australia, promising free beer.

First off, I’m pretty sure that sort of invite typically ends in “And then they raped me.” or “And then I woke up in a tub full of ice, and had a jagged scar where my right kidney used to be.” Secondly, at this point the entire scope of my knowledge of RedDot boiled down to this :

-Chad was tired of using it to the point of bitter hatred.

-Liam knew something about it.

That’s it! I didn’t even know what the fuck it was for! Yet here are these people putting themselves in the position of the kid you were friends with only because of his impressive collection of cool toys. “Hey, we’re cool! Hang out with us! PLEASE HANG OUT WITH US!”

My Advice to RedDot is simple…grow a pair. Seriously. Have some semblance of self respect! Stop begging for people to pretty please be your buddy.

Example 2 : I am an app tinkerer. I like to play with different platforms and toys and shit. So, I decided to sort of test the waters around free blogging platforms and see if I found something I liked better to swap my other blog over to. Now, I’m not even unhappy with using Blogger for it, I just wanted to play. My name is Cliff and I have a problem.

Anyway, one of the other setups I tried out was DevHub. Some okay features, but the fact that you can only ‘unlock’ the really good plugins by doing stuff with the basic layout I found annoying. Yes, you have to earn shit by blogging. They’ve set it up like a ‘game’, but it’s one of those terrible (non Oregon Trail) educational products that promises to be fun but really brings only drudgery and a wish for death to the minds of all children forced to touch it.

Seeing as that is a pretty fucking horrible idea, I deleted my setup and walked away. At some point, I threw out a tweet about how much it sucked. Today, I get this :

DevHub @ElCliff76 Don’t switch yet! We’re working on blogging from your phone now.

First off, you know that legendary figure that you hear about who lives in the dark ages and doesn’t own a cell phone? That’s me. So way to waste your time offering me features that do not apply to me in the slightest, geniuses. Apparently ‘know your customer’ has been replaced with ‘inundate them with shit!’

Secondly, I had just tweeted (actually, it was several days earlier…way to be timely) about how much I disliked your product. If I thought it was crap, WHY would offers of being able to suffer through it on other platforms entice me back?!

“Man, I thought this was a real pile of shit, but then I found out I can also use it on my mobile device! Now I can hate it on several levels! Win for ME!”

Can you imagine this happening on an interpersonal level?

“Fuck, Bob really pisses me off lately. I’m sick of his constant whining about his marriage. I need a break!”

“Hey, I’m Bob!”

“I…I know that…it’s me…Steve.”

“Hey Steve, I’m Bob! I couldn’t help noticing your discussion of me, and decided I should push myself in to it!”

“I was complaining about you, Bob.”

“You sure were, Steve! Say, can I offer you a beverage?”

I think we can all be pretty sure what that discussion would end in.

So, just a thought for some of these companies. Maybe, instead of trying to converse with everyone out there, you might want to actually focus on those who are not openly mocking you…or announcing they don’t like what you have to offer. You might actually make some sales, and I won’t have to make fun of your stupidity again.

On second thought…change nothing.