Yes, I’m yet again doing the “Look at this funny thing!” post. But it really, REALLY deserves such a treatment! It’s funny enough (and short enough) that it merits line by line mockery
From the Denver Post :
A woman told state troopers she was fleeing a vampire when she ran her sport-utility vehicle into a canal in Mesa County Sunday night, KKCO television station in Grand Junction reported.
53,000 points for excuse originality. Also, who wouldn’t flee a vampire? What I want to know is what variety of bloodsucker it was. Are we talking Count Drac with the cape and greased back hair, or the ridiculous vegan glittery candy asses the kids seem to like these days?
The woman, whose name was not released, told a trooper she was traveling alone about 9:25 p.m. on a dirt road near Fruita when she came upon the vampire, threw her vehicle in reverse and ran off the road. The SUV came to rest on its passenger side.
So your escape strategy when faced with a vampire was to slam the car in to a ditch, rendering yourself unable to get away? May I suggest a better plan next time may be to save everyone some time and just open up your carotid yourself?
She was not injured, and since neither drugs nor alcohol were suspected she was not charged, according to the State Patrol.
And there we have the single most surprising section of the entire story.
The station reported today that she might not have taken some medicine the day of the incident. Her husband arrived soon after the wreck and took her home, KKCO reported.
Aaaaah, so less with the “The suspect had spent too much time with a straw in her nose” and more with the “The suspect kinda sorta forgot to take her ‘’Not Batshit Crazy’ pills this morning”.
The incident comes amid the hype surrounding the latest "Twilight" vampire-romance movie is set to be released today.
So it was a glittery vampire, then? Next time lady, run the fucking thing over.
Colorado has a number of vampire-related interest groups, including "vampire-friendly bars and clubs" in Denver and Colorado Springs, according to an Internet search.
Welcome to the portion of the story known as ‘The Copy Editor wants this sucker longer, so type vampire in to the Googles and see what pops up’.
OH! Look what I found!
Holy shit, the people in this are awesome! Is that Lindsay Lohan drunkenly rambling at around the 24 second mark? Yes, it would certainly be ‘cool’ if vampires were randomly attacking total strangers in the night. Also, it’s a good indication that your story isn’t being taken seriously if the report ends with the opinions of children.
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Tammy
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