Let’s see what they have up their sleeves…
Reggie Fils-Aime stating the blatantly obvious. Gaming buzz is in the air, eh? Astounding. Way to figure out basic facts, Reg.
“Technology is a tool…the end product is the experience. Technology and game design need to be perfectly matched.” I actually completely agree with him. Nintendo going in the direction they have to…they can’t match the pure horsepower of the PS3 or the 360, so they’ll focus on the games.
It’s Shigeru Miyamoto building up hype for another Zelda game via video screen! Well, Miyamoto with a weird English translator whose voice overlaid on the video bit is drowning out the music playing…
So the next Zelda game uses the Wii remote as a sword control and the Nunchuck to control the shield. And Miyamoto on the video screen ‘hands it off’ to some guy on stage who couldn’t be more uncomfortable if he were wearing burlap. Yes, we know you’re holding a Wii remote, you don’t need to state the obvious…and, oh. Now Miyamoto is ‘magically’ on stage. That was as mystical as the sort of stuff normally seen from magicians at kids birthday parties.
Okay, after almost ten minutes he’s finally in to the frigging game! And…wow this is atrocious. He’s doing one thing and Link on screen is basically swinging the sword whatever direction he wants to. This is terrible…and having just seen how well the Move controller worked and detected motion makes this look even worse by comparison. I thought the Motion Plus (which this is using) was supposed to fix movement detection? It’s way too inconsistent with detecting what he’s doing. Oof…aiming the slingshot is actually going WORSE than the swordplay. Bomb rolling (think a bowling motion) seems to be a 50-50 proposition. This is not going well at all. And now he’s got the bow up and the view is flying all over the place for no reason and he can’t aim. Let this stop! Just end this! Is there a sniper in the ceiling beams with Miyamoto’s head in his scope, forcing him to finish this painful endeavour? Finally it ends. Hopefully the released product works better, but that was an abysmal showing for a game he was describing as fun and easy to control.
Well, after that their next demos had better be flawless.
And it appears we have a Mario Sports game. Volleyball, hockey, dodgeball, basketball. Called Mario Sports Mix. Could be decent.
And now Reggie is talking up Wii and game sales, basically whipping his dick out and smacking the naysaying media with it. Is there a point to this, Reggie? You know, aside from you playing the stage version of Internet Tuff Guy?
Finally, Reggie’s done being a ‘badass’. Wii Party, a collection of party games. Again. Nintendo, the Wii already has a reputation of having nothing but party games…why are you devoting time during your show to another one of them? Not a single, solitary clap as that promo bit ended.
Half an hour in and still waiting to be wowed by anything.
I’m sure a lot of people are stoked by Golden Sun : Dark Dawn for the DS, but it just looks like yet another rote Japanese RPG to me. Lame music and weird looking characters…huzzah?
Activision’s remake of Goldeneye is up now. I’m very curious to see how they remap the controls from the N64 controller to the Wii. And the question has to be asked…is Goldeneye still a big deal in 2010? Is it still going to be received as fondly? Nostalgia can be a bitch.
Okay, Disney Epic Mickey looks SICK, and this is coming from someone who thinks Mickey Mouse is a pest who needs to be gassed as soon as possible. It’s a big RPG with Mickey travelling through various old Disney locations and sets and rides and the like, so a lot of it is a fun throwback vibe. “Hey, I remember that!” Here’s to hoping for areas for The Black Cauldron and The Sword in the Stone…and maybe some sort of Dick van Dyke level. You can use paint and thinner abilities to remove from and add to and modify the world around you, with everything apparently altering how the world will evolve. If they pull this off, this is going to be sweet. Ladies and gentlemen, at the 36 minute mark we have our killer app!
Oh for fuck’s sake…the video in the 1Up recording of the press event is blipping in and out. Time to find a new place to watch the rest of this…and nobody else has it up. So I’m stuck listening to the new Kirby game. I heard cuteness to an extent that would choke Rainbow fucking Brite. And a new Metroid Game (I later found video of this elsewhere, and it looks solid).
Hey! The image is back! New Donkey Kong game with Donkey Kong Country Returns. It looks like the original Donkey Kong Country, and they didn’t really show what’s new…nor did they talk about anything new…so why does it exist?
Okay, we’re in to talk of 3D with Reggie mocking the shit out of 3D glasses. (Kelly made a great point to me later that I’ll add here…Nintendo is mocking 3D glasses? I’m sorry, but this is the company responsible for the U-Force, Power Glove, Robbie the Robot, Super Scope, Game Boy Printer, Power Pad, Gamecube Broadband Adapter and Wii Speak, to name a few. You announced a pulse monitor for the Wii last year. You don’t get to mock the peripherals of others, Nintendo). He doesn’t ever come off so much as funny as he comes off as condescending, and I think that’s my big issue with him. AWESOME…the 3DS event music started early and drowned him out until he walked offstage. Never has a screw up pleased me more…hopefully a stage light drops on to his head next.
And now, with a pointless intro video featuring black and white movie monsters, the stage has gone red…apparently we’ve entered Hell. WTF…Satoru Iwata is talking, but they’re focusing on a 3DS…is he in the console? What is going on? Oh there he is. Did you get lost amidst the clouds spewing from the fog machine? The goddamn stage looks like it’s ready for Foreigner to come out and play circa 1979. Christ, is he lip syncing or is the audio going wacky on this now? Words are not so much with the matching of the lip movements.
Okay, 3D without the goddamn glasses is a good thing. Now he’s announcing that the system will come with attachments…yeah, cause that’s news. Nintendo needs peripherals for their systems more than crack whores need johns.
Only the bottom screen is a touch screen with this one.
AGH! This guy is putting me to sleep. Talking about an overall graphics improvement along with the 3D…“We think this will cause a lot of enthusiasm in the development community.” I think you ceasing this droning speech and perhaps showing what this thing can do instead of talking about it might cause a lot of enthusiasm amongst everyone watching this.
Built in camera in the 3DS, and a gyroscope. And it will be able to show 3D movies. In other words, at least in the handheld market Nintendo is going right at Sony.
Oh, you mean you’ll show some games? Really? Figured that might be a good idea, did ya? And AGAIN the music for a video picks up while someone is talking and drowns out the speaker. Christ, Nintendo’s show has been rife with technical problems.
A new Kid Icarus? Too bad it apparently borrowed the theme music from a 70’s cop drama. I’m expecting two cops in a muscle car to come bursting through a cloud any time now. The game almost looks like a winged version of Prince of Persia or something…could be good, but it’s hard to say. And the kid friendly smack talk towards Cerebus is ghastly.
Oh boy…Satoru’s talking some more. This is THE device that everyone wanted to see at Nintendo’s E3 presentation, and they chose to pimp it by having this guy ramble on and on? This is threatening to enter Ubisoft territory.
Hey, we’ve reached the area where I’ve tweeted a bit!
Nintendogs & Cats…in 3D. Lonely housebound women everywhere just squealed, I suppose.
For fuck’s sake, now he’s doing what Jack Tretton did throughout the Sony show and just listing games. Are they ONLY going to show Kid Icarus???
Jesus, now they’re showing a video of developers talking about what they thought about the 3DS upon first seeing it. We have officially entered the Ubisoft zone. Fuck.
Hmmm…the 3DS is also pushing wireless online? Yeah, they’re officially trying to stomp the PSP in to dust.
THAT’S IT?! Now Reggie’s back on stage?! THAT is the entirety of the 3DS part of the show?! Oh, now Reggie is talking about it.
Oh yeah, so the tweeting of Nintendo is in the works…Uh oh “We tried to communicate in a very different way.”…
That’s the kind of line that gives me douche chills. Okay, they’re trying to communicate how the 3DS changes things in a very different way apparently Let’s see what we get.
I see a video ad. Mario just popped out of a 3DS and put a moustache on Iwata, then pulled him in to the system. Okay. Now Miyamoto walked in and a dog jumped out on him…and he’s been sucked in to the system, which is now barking. And a bunch of shit is flying out of it.
Buy a 3Ds…it’ll pull you in to the game with the power of a vacuum?
Now Reggie walks in to the room filled with random objects with a weird grin on his face…the kind of smile that says “I can’t wait to cook up this dead hooker and serve her to the neighbours.” Seriously, the guy does joy about as naturally as a mortician. Okay, he has the 3DS now and is laughing as Iwata and Miyamoto are chased by Bowzer in the game…and Bowzer has now popped out and breathed fire all over Reggie.
Now we’re back to Reggie on stage, and his jacket is burnt up.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! THAT was your new way of trying to show how it works…a piece of shit commercial? “Even that commercial doesn’t convey it.” I agree, Reggie…it conveyed nothing more than annoyance.
Okay, dance music starts…out strut a collection of hot women bearing 3DS consoles.
Hot chicks coming out with Nintendo 3Ds units is definitely not a bad thing.
Apparently the ladies are ‘demonstrators’. Every single person in the audience gets to play with a console to see how it works. And Reggie points out that the train to the next show (Sony) isn’t for hours yet. This is actually quite brilliant…you’re tempting people to skip that pesky Sony event and just stay. Well played, Nintendo…well played.
RT @Michael_French: CONFIRMED: Nintendo 3DS Hot Blonde Bundles heading to stores this fall.
Reggie, I don’t agree that Nintendo raised the bar. First off, you come off as smug and pompous…I don’t like listening to you. And listening to people talk made up WAAAYYYY too damn much of this show. The Zelda game that they tried to talk up as simple to play with easy mechanics straight out didn’t work. And the 3DS portion of the event really fell flat to me…listening to a guy talk and list a bunch of stuff doesn’t count for anything. They didn’t show enough, and what they DID show tended to be screwed over by hardware problems. Not a good event from Nintendo at all…I really don’t understand why everyone’s going crazy over their show.
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