Indeed, there do in fact be stupid folk about. And…why the fuck am I talking like a pirate? AAAGH! The stupid! It’s…it’s CATCHING!
Or perhaps I’ve simply had some sort of aneurysm whilst reading about a couple of these particularly genius type folk in the past few days.
Let’s start with Lauren Rosenberg. Lauren lives in Utah. Could I really just pretty much end it right there? Well that would be lazy and wholly unsatisfying, and I do love to talk, so I’ll continue. Lauren was wandering between two addresses in Utah, using Google Maps to get from one to another. The top result she got led her to…a highway. She was hit by a car. She is now suing Google for the fact she’s too fucking stupid to not walk on a highway. This is what this dimwit saw in that whole crazy REAL LIFE thing (with the route transposed on to the shot) :
And yet she went ahead because the magic Google told her to. You want someone to blame, Lauren? May I suggest suing your mother for bringing you to term. You walked along a section of road with no sidewalk and with a noise barrier forcing you closer TO A MAJOR HIGHWAY. And that didn’t strike you as perhaps not a good idea? But no, because this worthless hag can’t possibly be expected to have an ounce of self preservation instinct, it’s now (according to her lawsuit) the fault of Google and the driver who hit her when she crossed a highway in the middle of the night. You know who I think deserves the blame? Charles Darwin. Evolution needs to start trying harder.
Secondly, we come to Junior Tan of Singapore. Apparently he decided that his iPhone needed a much higher cool quotient. But how to make it seem much more awesome than it really is?
Turns out it’s pretty simply really, especially if you’re a creative type like good ol’ Junior is. Using a few household items, this MacGuyver wannabe has crafted a much ‘better’ dock for his iPhone, one that will truly have him feeling sufficiently manly. Care to see it?
I have one hope here. When the inevitable happens, and a cop sees this twat pull out his phone and puts about a dozen holes in him, PLEASE let those godawful sunglasses survive his death. He needs to wear those as he’s lowered in to the Earth, stuck bearing them on his rotting face for all eternity.
How did this EVER seem like a good idea? Why not just wear some sort of actual bullet magnet device and take a stroll through Compton wearing blue AND red attire?
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