Dungeons & Dragons’ Evil Has Been Confirmed!

That is, of course, unless you don’t trust the judgment of the Waupun Correctional Facility in Wisconsin! And I know I sure do, as any other law abiding citizen certainly would!

It seems that a guy named Kevin Singer, serving a sentence for First Degree Intentional Homicide, got ahold of some D&D gear. Crazy motherfucker even wrote up his own SCENARIO for it…can you IMAGINE?!

Actually…back up a second. First Degree…Intentional…Homicide? First Degree murder is pre-meditated murder, as in “Hey, let’s come up with a detailed plan to kill my cheating whore of a wife.” Do they really have to add the ‘Intentional’ part? Or is it somehow possible to accidentally plan the murder of someone, then follow through completely unintentionally?

“Holy shit, Gus, now that we’ve executed that bastard of a boss in the way that we planned out in detail, I realize this wasn’t actually supposed to happen!”

“Ha! The wackiness!”

“I totally call a mulligan on this extermination of human life.”

Anyway, back to the story at hand…

This fiend named Kevin Singer had started up a little D&D CULT, and they were playing their little games and such. And I think that we all know what THAT entailed :

OH MY GOD! The horror! A collection of thugged up inmates, all…uhhh…hmmm. No, that’s not what I was looking for. Ah, HERE we go.

Yes, THERE is the reality of what your Dungeons and your Dragons lead to! Look upon fear itself, for…hmmm. You know, that doesn’t really work either. Hell, that is the gayest looking coven of Satanists that I have ever seen. What the fuck is with the dude on the left? The goat and the boar I get, but the left guy looks like he’s wearing the mask of Hello Kitty’s Kinda Evil Gay Brother. And the unmasked guy most definitely looks like the type who drives around in a panel van, offering candy bars to kids outside of elementary schools before being chased off by the crossing guard. Yeah, let’s just go back to the first photo…The evil of royalty mixed with bitch lookin’ like one of those Imperial Guard dudes from Return of the Jedi (What did those guys DO, by the way? Worst…guards…EVER).

So anyway, it turns out that Kevin’s little devil worship coffee klatch weren’t inviting just anyone to their little reindeer games. Other inmates complained that Kev had formed a gang. The prison took away his D&D stuff. Kev appealed. He lost.

Singer was told by prison officials that he could not keep the materials because Dungeons & Dragons “promotes fantasy role playing, competitive hostility, violence, addictive escape behaviours, and possible gambling,” according to the ruling. The prison later developed a more comprehensive policy against all types of fantasy games, the court said.

So there you go…just look at the horrible things D&D will lead to! It’s like a death spiral in to depravity and mental illness. Although, you maybe COULD use the one about fantasy role playing being verboten. If you find yourself in Cellblock C with some big mofo who begins a regimen of repeatedly raping you while closing his eyes and picturing this :

…you just tell the warden that he’s engaging in some of that fantasy role playing, and that you’re pretty sure you saw him stashing a 20 sided die the other day…

On a side note, I wonder what watch lists you turn up on when launching Google searches for :

-Lady GaGa meets Queen

-Satanic ceremony photos

-Megan Fox bending over car pic