They’ve always been useless. they always will be useless. You know the type…so fiercely loyal to their particular band or brand or whatever else they’re leeching a reason to exist from that they can’t see straight. Most often they’re associated with video games.

I want to kill them. All of them. Messily. Perhaps with a lawnmower, Dead Alive style.

Oh, did I forget to mention that the preceding video is violent? Too bad. If you see a video after a line talking about killing with a lawnmower, Dead Alive style and are then surprised the video to follow is violent, fuck you too.

Oh, and incidentally, the actual scene in the movie goes on for so long that it manages to become quite boring. Really.

Anyway, yeah, fanboi types, lawnmower, fleshy squishy crunching noises and their death. Sounds like a good fucking evening of fun to me.

Now, they’ve always been around…what’s brought them out of the woodwork lately? Why the good folks at Ubisoft and their latest DRM plan that requires a permanent Internet connection 100% of the time when playing any of their upcoming games. Lose your connection? Too bad for you. Servers down? Too bad for you. It’s truly ASTOUNDING that an idea this bad originated in Quebec.

Yes, it sucks. That isn’t enough for PC fanboi types, though. No, these irrational jagoffs, constructed from the contents of hospital colostomy bags no doubt, are comparing this to rape. Yes indeed, rape. Brutal and unwanted sexual assault (…was the use of ‘unwanted’ really necessary in that sentence?) compares dead even to requiring constant server access to play a game. If you have ever honestly made this comparison, may you be ravaged by the entire populace of Lompoc penitentiary.

Then we have this exchange with a fellow forum user on Good Old Games. First is me, agreeing with the guy above (I would quote him but he just says the same thing and takes longer…and he isn’t me. Let him glorify himself on his own blog, goddammit!) :

Exactly. You want to send a message? Don’t buy it. Let’s just stop acting like computer games are some intrinsic right, or necessary to enjoyment of life.

And the response :

Oh, but they are. Entertaintment is an intrinsic right. Just like broadband internet access. They recognized that over in Finland.

Drink that genius in. Shit, we’re gonna need FEMA to run over to this poor motherfucker’s house and hook his ass up with some DRM-free Assassin’s Creed II, STAT!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. Entertainment is an intrinsic right…right up their with Freedom of Speech and, you know, access to water?! If this is the sort of drivel that will regularly be flowing from it, SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. NEVER open it again. EVER. Under any circumstances. Have a cold and your nose is stuffed up? Suffocate. Good fucking riddance.

Can we PLEASE stop with the ridiculous fucking comparisons and bleating bullshit about ‘our plight’? And if we can’t get these rejected shit samples to just shut the fuck up, can we perhaps start sacrificing them to Tilikum, the serial killing whale?

You don’t like the new system? Don’t buy it. Play something else. Just stop whining like a spineless fairy about how your ‘rights’ have been exploited you fucking stain. The world should issue rewards for worthless shit like this being stomped from the gene pool.