Hmmm…Maybe We Should Try Some Of That ‘Common Sense’?

Aaaah, the War on Terror.

Really, I could just leave that title and that line and mail it in and this would be a success. However, I’ll keep going! I’ll share MORE of my ‘brilliance’ with you peons!

Anyway, the War on Terror…I can’t even type, say or hear that term without giggling. I mean, what are the limits? If Barack Obama was scared of the dark, would the US be launching ‘Operation Perma-Day’ and trying to use atomic weapons to turn the moon in to a second sun? Every sensible child out there is scared of clowns…should we start lining them up against a wall and shooting them? And where can someone volunteer for that duty?

So, back to whatever the Hell my point was going to be! Obviously, part of the War on…okay, I can’t even say it again. Part of protecting the airways from hijackers is airport security screening. If you want some idea of how stringent that security is, I have one line for you :

I was once employed as a gate security screener.

Sure, it was pre 9/11 and all, but that should still TERRIFY anyone with a functioning cerebrum (Uh oh…does that mean I will be vaporized any minute now by a drone-launched cruise missile strike???).

In the ensuing months after September 11th, many new guidelines and regulations and all sorts of other words that makes bureaucrats shoot a load in their pants were passed. One of those was…’THE NO FLY LIST’. I’m sure such lists existed before, but they just weren’t advertised as being some sort of un-breachable security measure. Lemme tell ya, when we hit Condition Magenta, you will be fucking glad we have a NO FLY LIST.

There have been a few…let’s go with hiccups…in terms of who is on that list. One of those weird inclusions is Mike Hicks. Terrified? YOU SHOULD BE! Here’s a photo of the Future Jihadi.

Terrified yet?! I bet those merit badges he’s wearing are for Bomb Building, Chemical Weapons Research and Hating Freedom. Wouldn’t surprise me if the little bastard spent his days eating french fries and plotting against the Jews.

And it gets worse…he’s EIGHT.

Yes indeed, this little hellion is eight goddamn years old, but he’s clearly been a threat for a lot longer than that. To quote the New York Times article about him :

The first time he was patted down, at Newark Liberty International Airport, Mikey was 2. He cried.

Yes indeed, this master of menace was apparently a big enough threat that he needed to be frisked at the age of 2…and that’s in NEW JERSEY. Christ, they don’t fuck with you in Jersey if you’re walking through a bank with a loaded shotgun! And take note of his tears…no doubt brought about by the knowledge that his nefarious schemes would never, ever come to fruition thanks to the fact that gate security apparently has a Minority Report system in place whose psychics informed them that in the future, this little punk would do something insidious.

So yeah, the next time you’re going through security and worrying about some fucking nutcase next to you blowing his balls off and taking the plane out at the same time, you rest assured that security professionals are using common sense and frisking toddlers because they’re on a list…because goddammit, lists are never wrong.