Northern Horde…This Time It’s Personal

Draft day number 2, which is the only reason I was up and about and somewhat functional at 8:30 on a Saturday.

Bit of a different league structure this time. One an 8 team league, so that’s going to compress the talent with fewer teams to spread it out. And an…interesting league set up. The weekly lineup every week :

QB, QB, WR, WR, WR, RB, RB, WE-TE, WR-RB, WR-RB-TE-QB, K, K, Def, Def

Yep, there are THREE multiple position spots, one at which a QB can be played…on top of having to start 2 of them every week as it is. Couple that with a scoring system where a TD pass is worth as much as a TD scored and it’s passer fever! Oh, and two kickers ever week blows goats…goats with AIDS.

Well, despite a QB hungry system, I pick 8th (yep…last…not too bad in a small league, and it gives me back to back picks since last in one round picks first the next round)…and get Peyton fucking Manning! One of the top 3 QBs in the damn game, and he’s there for me despite FOUR other passers having gone already. And then I land running back Matt Forte with the 9th pick…you may remember that I got him with pick 4 in my first draft. Wide outs Andre Johnson, Roddy White and Marques Colston make for some nice pieces, too.

Quarterback : Peyton fucking Manning (Ind) : Thrilled to get him. Still can’t believe I got him picking last. Reigning League MVP, puts up big numbers every single year.He also starred in one of the funniest SNL skits I’ve seen over the past few years :

Eli Manning (NYG) – The best part about this…it wasn’t even intentional. I just picked the best QB on the board, and it happened to be Peyton’s brother. Eli has a worrisome penchant for throwing picks, but he’s also behind a great line with good receivers and great ground game. Should do okay, even if he does kind of look like Peyton’s retarded brother.

Eli's comfort with a helmet...he'd worn one since birth...made him a fine football player

Kyle Orton (Den) – The mighty neckbeard , freed from the shackles of Chicago’s alleged ‘offense’ where he actually put up decent numbers, now plays on a unit with some of that mysterious ‘talent’ around him. Should make for a good backup and occasional 3rd starter (such as in Week One, when the Broncos face the famed ‘Wall of Nancyboys’ the Cincinnati Bengals laughingly refer to as a defense.

Jason Campbell (Was) – Jason’s a wild card. His team spent the entire offseason trying to replace him, so he’s angry. That might mean I get a motivated guy in the past year of his contract. It also might mean that I get an angry guy who shows up at the team buildings one day with a funny facial twitch and a loaded assault weapon. I’m hoping he at least performs well enough to be tempting trade bait.

Running Back : Matt Forte (Chi) – I doubled up on a few guys from the last draft. Obviously I think they’re good, plus it makes it that much less confusing to know who to root for come game day. I got a Top 3 Quarterback and a typical Top 4 pick overall…with picks 8 and 9. Absolute goddamn sweetness.

Chris Johnson (Ten) – The man from whom LenWhale poached so many touchdowns last year. He still scored plenty himself. Fast is good. Chris is fast.

Darren McFadden (Oak) – Another retread.

Edgerrin James (Sea) – Welcome to the bottom quarter of my draft board (non kickers)! It’s a magical place where Cliff liked to take some gambles and grab some players who will either do surprisingly well, or be complete and utter failures…but were picked low enough that I’m not filled with shame at their shortcomings. Edge might have something left. We’ll see. If he doesn’t pan out, we can always take his gold teeth and send them to that place that ghoulishly prods elderly people to sell their heirlooms for food money on TV late at night.

Ray Rice (Bal) – See above. Only differences…Ray is a young guy, and he appears to have taken the starting halfback job away from Willis ‘Over-rated Has Been’ McGahee. It still puts him in a running back by committee system, but he’s head of the committee…well okay, he’s second behind LeRon McClain, but he was already taken.

Wide Receiver : Andre Johnson (Hou) – Top 3 passer, top 4 running back…and Top 4 or 5 receiver, motherfuckers! I have absolutely no goddamn idea how in the Hell Andre was STILL THERE at the end of ROUND THREE. That’s insane all up in your membrane. It’s like everyone else in the draft was so focused on quarterbacks and runners they forgot the wideouts after a couple guys went. Shocking…but awesome. He’ll run you over or leave you in his goddamn dust.

Roddy White ( Atl) – It’s Retread City, where Cliff has taken this stud receiver for the second draft in a row! Also, I got this guy AFTER someone else picked Terrell Owens…yeah.

Marques Colston (NO) – Coming off a bad year due to injuries, so I think people maybe forgot about him. He’s enormous. Take all of your preconceptions about receivers and throw them away before he sees them, because he’ll strike you down Paul Bunyan style. You best respect the man mountain of catching footballs!

Lee Evans (Buf) – Now HERE is someone who could actually benefit from TO being around. Lee gets to run downfield routes now, and with Lee’s hands and speeds that could mean many first class tickets to the Land of Milk and Honey…and Touchdowns.

Derrick Mason (Bal) – He’s old, he’s reliable, he’s seemingly the only wide out on his team who knows that he’s supposed to catch the football.

Domenik Hixon (NYG) – Counting the gray hair above Hix here, this makes 5 exciting repeat draft performances. Woo! I like having one of Eli’s receivers on my team, too.

Tight End : Again, because I don’t have to play a Tight End, this wasn’t a priority spot for me…until I saw Dallas Clark (Ind) sitting there in the middle of the draft. Productive, consistent, probably Peyton’s #2 target this year.

Kicker : As I said, playing two kickers every week strikes me as really, really stupid. Anyway, I waited until my last 2 picks. And I still got Neil Rackers (Ari), who makes retread #6, and Jeff Reed (Pgh), who is not only a great kicker, but is a great kicker playing in ghastly wind conditions in Pittsburgh.

Defense : Team defenses aren’t quite as exciting, but I’m liking the San Diego unit this year. I’m also not too disappointed to have the Washington D as my #2. Again, starting 2 a week? Why?

And there you have it. Me likey.