For instance, if that title mystifies you, please take the nearest writing implement and jam it in to your eye socket. Don’t stop pushing until it can’t go any further. Now, feel the warm embrace of the betterment of society as a whole as you bleed out on to the floor.
Let’s begin with the Catholic Church, an institution that seems hellbent on being mocked on a constant basis. Their newest basis for mockery…oh look, one of those thoroughly average Dan Brown books is being made in to a movie again (quick sidebar…Dan Brown fans, please stop extolling this guy’s stuff as being among the greatest literary works of all time. I am sick and tired of you people rambling about his ‘great’ novels. They’re not bad, but about as close to great writing as the ingredients list on a package of cookies. Expand your reading habits), let’s have a hissy fit! And yes indeed, there they are protesting. One quote from the Vatican describes the movie as…”highly denigrating, defamatory and offensive” to the Catholic Church.
I have another word to describe the movie that this pack of mental lessers may want to look in to…FICTION. It is a work of FICTION. What that means, you fucking retards, is that IT ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE REAL, IT ISN’T CLAIMING TO BE REAL, IT ISN’T REAL! A fictional story doesn’t have to stick to facts and is supposed to blur the lines…it’s kind of the goddamn point! In fact, your leader (you know, the dude in the Liberace costume and the gigantic hat that’s probably compensating for something) is a BIG FAN of fiction! It was earlier this year that he uttered that wonderful line about condoms helping to spread the AIDS virus after all, and…oh…oh he was SERIOUS…okay, so they are just retarded then. Got it.
Maybe you boy fuckers have a p0int…maybe we should stick to realistic stories based on fact. You know, stories about men living in whales. Stories about a zombified man of divine origins. Stories where a man gets the new rules of conduct for society from a blazing bush that talks. Stories about a man who is several hundred years old, builds a gigantic boat in a couple of months, puts every animal known to man ON that boat and then sails out in to a massive storm (Hey, did you guys ever think of going after The Perfect Storm when it came out? It was TOTALLY ripping off and ruining the whole story of Noah. Guy on a boat…big waves…you should sue them!) for a month and a half with no food or water for himself OR his menagerie, but they all totally live. Yeah. Good stories that are REAL. Holy crap. Please, the next time you feel like protesting something this utterly stupid, choose instead to shove a massive cock in your mouth. Preferably the massive cock of an AIDS patient.
Pigs of the world, what did we do? Seriously, why the Hell do you hate us? We’ve always loved you and your salty meat products…it’s…it’s those damn vegan/vegetarian types, isn’t it? Those queers stop eating you and you decide to disease the planet!
Yes, the ‘pandemic’ of swine flu (or ‘hybrid flu’ as the pork industry wants it called…wouldn’t want to bring ill repute on to such fine, clean creatures as hogs…) has spread around the globe, infecting…well, a few people. Killing…the equivalent of one block of your average suburb. Do people not realize that the REGULAR flu kills something like 30,000 people every single year…in Western countries no less, where medicine has grown beyond healing dances and fire? In terms of ranking pandemics this one would come in somewhere between Rita McNeil’s ass (simply for sheer size) and that time you and your buddies all got crabs from that whore in Vegas.
Still, we have to have our annual version of “HOLY SHIT! WE’SE ALL GONNA DIE!” First the monkeys wanted to kill us, then it was the birds, then SARS popped up. Now the pigs have joined in this wacky circus of death. The choice is obvious…we must kill every animal walking the face of the Earth immediately! It’s the only way to be certain.
Now, I don’t begrudge health organizations from doing their job. I DO begrudge the media for blowing this up in to a massive storm of hysteria and hyperbole. Thank you CNN for creating the 24 hour news cycle…now that everyone else has followed you down that path to Hades we get over sensationalized bullshit like this (not to mention the sickening trend of celebrities apparently being news) all the goddamn time! Only one news outlet has failed to fully jump on board, and I’d like to make public my disappointment that the Sun has not yet featured a front page consisting of a photo of Babe with the headline ‘Death Pigs!’ printed above it in a 3000 point font.
We are not going to die because of this anymore than Avian Flu, Monkey Pox and all this other bullshit (oh no, bullshit! Run for your lives!) eliminated the human race from existence. I wouldn’t mind seeing some of these news moguls start being killed off by a sudden influx of .308 caliber lead, however…
According to the US, Canada is a nation of filthy, thieving pirates on par with the Chinese and the Russians. Seriously. Last week, the United States elevated Canada on to their ‘priority watch list’. Two nations (South Korea and Taiwan) were dropped from the list despite having our piracy rate several times over, but we get thrown on it. I’m SURE this has NOTHING to do with us not passing every fucking copyright and rights law that the RIAA and the MPAA want up here. And it has NOTHING to do with the fact that both Obama and Biden have serious ties, heavy with cash, to the recording and movie industries. NOOOOOO. It’s just a gigantic fucking coincidence!
I find it curious that when the shoe was on the OTHER foot during the softwood lumber dispute, the US didn’t feel like ‘doing the right thing’ as they’re claiming to want now. This despite the fact that, unlike in this case, the courts had found in Canada’s favor MULTIPLE times during that mess. In this case there have been no findings, legal or otherwise, unless someone decides to believe the usual spew of self-aggrandizing horseshit coming forth from the recording and movie industries (if you do, by the way, please stop reading this, go to the kitchen sink and empty every bottle and container you find under it down your throat).
What this really comes down to is the fact that Canada refused to pass Bill C-61 and refuses to actually pass the ludicrous provisions of the Special 301 process (if your process sounds like a retard, you lose)…a process assembled entirely by the recording, movie and software industries and rubber stamped by the losers they’ve bought in government (hmmmm…last I checked, when black men were historically owned by someone, they were referred to as slaves. Way to advance your race’s place in society, Barack). My favorite part of our section of the document this year is where it explains the phrase “Canada’s weak border measures continue to be a serious concern for IP owners.” Uhhh…since the concern is border measures on OUR side, wouldn’t that seem to indicate a flow of pirated goods IN TO THE COUNTRY FROM ELSEWHERE? And since we only really share a border WITH YOU FUCKHEADS, doesn’t that say that most of this shit is actually being perpetrated in your own fucking country, then shipped here? Nice logic, you sub-moronic buckets of cold jizz. So yes, we refuse to pass your every whim you cold, near death corpse of a superpower. And in turn, you throw us on a list that makes us equal in your dumb, dead eyes in terms of piracy to a country where Internet providers actually sell pirated warez from their websites and a country where piracy is so rampant that ripped off copies of products are sold on street corners in public view. Of course, everyone else’s reaction to your stupid, whiny response has basically been some version of “What the fuck…?”…nobody cares about the piracy concerns of a country who believes the best response is suing the fuck out of the consumer. Fuck you.
Bonus Hate : Aaaah, Perez Hilton. Let’s get the obvious out of the way right off the bat…why are you famous? Seriously. Secondly, WHY was this guy a judge for some Miss USA pageant? Why the Hell is a man who isn’t attracted to women in the slightest helping to choose a winner in a competition based entirely on the looks of women?!
Anyway, he asked Miss Some Stats in the Union what she felt about gay marriage. She’s against it, and gave a really bizarre answer, rambling on about how ‘we can choose between same sex and opposite sex marriage’ and then following that up with saying she’s against it. It wasn’t an answer halfway to being, say…THIS weird, but it was weird (I will never tire of that clip, by the way…I catch some new example of retardation every time I listen to it’s mysterious, babbling wonder).
Now, do I agree with her stance? No. Do I support her stance? Not really. Does she have the right to it? Yes. Should that really, in any way, have anything to do with her ability to win a contest that’s basically decided by how well your tits fill out a bikini top? Probably not so much.
And here’s the part of this entire thing I find infuriating…Perez Hilton is now popping up like a zit on media outlets all over the fucking media spectrum rambling on like he is now some kind of PUNDIT? Really…you, Perez, think ANYONE should give a flying fuck what YOU think about anything? Going on and on about how he felt that he couldn’t select her because she would have brought shame down uponj the entire competition…IT’S A MISS USA PAGEANT! YOU AREN’T PICKING A GODDAMN PRESIDENT! It serves the purpose of giving wank material to those poor bastards who don’t have Internet access to asian coed lesbo porn! And for this drip of protoplasm to go off on INTEGRITY? I’m sorr but aren’t you the guy who has a site with a front page often devoted to pictures of celebrities you find annoying whom you have ‘tastefully altered’ to appear to have a crudely drawn dick going in to their mouth? Oh yes, ALL about the integrity. WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS FAMOUS?! Why do I even know who this cunt is? Why isn’t he sucking cock outside a truck stop in Illinois, hoping to make enough money for dinner before the fag basher crew shows up and cracks his head open like a melon?
Frankly, in the end I guess I’m rather disgusted at the state of society that this reject can actually become a ‘pundit’…unless/(until?) I start getting to make TV appearances as ‘that ranting loon’. If/(when?) that starts to happen, then everything is right with society as a whole and everyone has earned their place.