Holy Sweet Crap!

A big shoutout must go out to Herr Keller for this one…it’s 1992, and apparently someone felt the need to prepare a public service message warning the kida to stop with that copying computer games. It’s so delightfully awful it almost defies description. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if black people everywhere decided the horrific rapping in this abomination was the final reason to ignite a race war. Oh, and at about the 3:15 mark we find out that apparently David Crosby is involved in computer game development…apparently he must have done it in his spare time between massive drug use and impregnating lesbians.

Exposure to this video apocalypse has actually inspired me to immediately begin downloading software at once…perhaps whatever game these 2 were playing that seemed to involve nothing more than jackhammering down on random keys with enough force to shake the foundation of structures in Shanghai (I love the fact that they seem generally delighted at buying their own copy of the game WITH a MANUAL. Allow me to recreate that document here…Start game. Smash keys until fingers break. Once bonus ‘rapper’ level is unlocked, proceed with ‘Project Eugenics’.) And where the Hell IS this delightfully balanced multiracial pair, anyway? Was gaming theft from abandoned Science classrooms such a massive issue that they felt the need to produce a video to nip it in the bud?

The absolute worst part of this whole shameful experience is seeing the massive list of large software companies who sunk money in to this turd. Was it all spent on a huge coke binge by the video crew? How the fuck did all of those companies with all of their money produce this clump of shit? Hell, go big or go home! Hire fucking Eazy E to be the ‘rapper’, and threaten to ‘kill any of y’all mofos stealin’ ‘dis shit!’ while firing off rounds in to the air from his 9! The threat of a crazed ex-drug-dealing black man busting off a few caps in or around my ass might actually serve as a deterrent. All this video has convinced me of is the need to convert a de Lorean in to a time machine so that I may travel back to sometime in the 3rd trimester for both of these kids to deliver a vicious kicking to the stomach region of their respective mothers.

Anyway, here it is in all of ti’s glory…I’m off to steal software. Not even stuff I want, just whatever first pops up on the list…yes, it’s theft for pure spite.

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Incidentally, I do find myself really hoping for a new version. Maybe the good folks from Sony’s SecuROM division could hire up some C-grade rapper like Souljah Boy to warn us all of the effects of cracking protected software while two semi-retarded children beat the shit out of a joystick.