Peer Pressure Works!

Ugh.

QB – I am rapidly beginning to remember why I despise Philip Rivers. Thanks for the 24 points, Phil. Half my defense scored more than you…and this is as your receiving corps is getting HEALTHIER. Meanwhile, I tune in to the Green Bay game and see…sleet! Yes! That will screw his…oh, Rodgers got 75. Never mind. Big Ben actually scored about 50…on my bench.

RB – This was a battle of complete and utter garbage. My backs beat his backs 51-27. 5 running backs COMBINED to score an immortal 78 points. What a ‘victory’.

Rec – Miller was actually a decent play, putting up 23 (and outdoing Winslow). Bryant came through with 33. Moss and Marshall continue to piss me off with a combined 36 points. He got 41 from Driver to go with that 57 from Fitzgerald, so it didn’t matter that Dallas Clark, Chad Johnson and Reggie Wayne did nothing. 143-92.

K – Buffalo’s offense has forgotten how to score, and it’s killed Lindell, who put up 19 this week as they faced an actual defense, rather than the Chiefs. He got 53 from Mason Crosby as Green Bay scored at will.

D – Only lost by a bit here, actually, 233-196. Rhodes, Bell, Davis and Harrison all had at least 32, but those pitiful excuses for performances from Hope and Hill were too much to overcome. He only had one guy score LESS than 24, as his entire D unit came to play.

So, a loss by about 150. Even if I HAD played White over any of my other backs and Ben over Dickhead, I still lose by abaout 80.

MVP : Fuck that. Nobody did anything extraordinary this week.

LVP : How about the entire goddamn roster? I have come to the conclusion that what’s wrong with this team could best be fixed with an automatic weapon.

Lindell’s gone…Buffalo sucks, so he doesn’t get to score anymore. Hill has scored 9 points in 2 games COMBINED. Fuck him, he’s out…perhaps after I deliver a heavy sack beating with a pillowcase full of doorknobs. It sounds like DJ Williams should be back, which is good, and Vagina Jackson actually played, and played well, today, so HE should be a regular option again. I’ll scapegoat someone from the offense and boot his ass just because I’m pissed off and a vengeful prick (Hi, Kellen…I notice you got hurt again, and you’ve frustrated me…you seem like a viable option).

IF the #3 Arlington Atomics beat the #1 Vulcan 1776 today (and that looks likely), that drops the Horde in to 3rd place, which means I play next week. The #6 team looks to be The Zoidbergs, who would be 7-6. Frankly, the way this cunt of a team is taking it right now, I expect to lose by about 13000 points, and for me to have a whole pile of players I have an intense new fucking hate for.

It’s ANOTHER post that has NOTHING to do with UFO the series (I will get to it, S-Dub, but I’m watching Season One of The Wire at the moment).

More game related hilarity has been found in the form of a little show called Broken Pixels. Imagine a 3-man version of Mystery Science Theater, only they’re playing bad games instead of watching bad movies. Most of them are funny…because most of them feature the trio of Shane, Crispin and Seanbaby (if you don’t know who Seanbaby is, kindly educate yourself before going any further). There are a few with 3 other guys…they aren’t typically as good. Broken Pixels episodes can be found here. And here’s personal favorite, as Shane, Crispin and Seanbaby play some game called Lifeline which supposedly runs on voice commands…they’re immature, they’re puerile, and they make me fucking laugh.

It’s the final regular season game for my FF league, and next week the playoffs start. As it stands now, the Horde is in 2nd place with a 9-3 record. If we win this week and the #1 team loses, we’re in the #1 spot. If we lose and the #1 team WINS, we stay in 2nd…because the #1 team is PLAYING the #3 team. All in all, we’re guaranteed a 1st round bye (top 2 teams have a bye next week, while 3 plays 6 and 4 plays 5). I WANT #1, though.

First off, the stupidity. I was dicking around with my roster this week…and sort of forgot Thursday was Thanksgiving, so I forgot to set my rosters in time for the morning game. This is a problem, because it means I didn’t play LenWhale, who went for 52 fucking points against the hapless Lions. Not an auspicious beginning to the week, that’s for sure.

Our opponent this week is the 5-7 Pack o’ Pain. If they win, they have an outside shot at the last playoff spot. If they lose, their season’s over. (continue reading…)

Sorry, Sean, this is NOT the UFO-related post you’ve been waiting for.

Guy playing insanely over the top difficult custom level for a Super Mario Brothers game played on an emulator. Guy dies A LOT. Guy curses and loses it A LOT. I think the reason I love this so much is that this is pretty much me when playing a game. And some of his lines “I hate everything that has ever existed.” or “This is like a horse’s cock in a tiny mouth.” are just friggin’ hilarious. Enjoy every moment as he curses out Goombahs.

First off, why would any right thinking human being engage in cybersex with someone calling himself Blood Ninja? Really? Blood Ninja? Okay then…

I have no idea if these are real text exchanges, but whether they are or are not, they are laugh your ass off funny. I’m only a short ways in, but here’s my avorite so far.

Bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
Bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, Bloodninja.
Bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
Bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
Bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey…
Bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don’t see it.
Bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
Bloodninja: Don’t f**k with me biznitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
Bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don’t ever message me again you piece.
Bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
Bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
Bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard now.
Bloodninja: Baby?

If you aren’t laughing, you need to leave this blog immediately. Thanks.

The Saga of Bloodninja.

Wow can mean good…and wow can mean “Holy shit…what the Hell just happened?” The game today was sort of the equivalent of being swept over by Mongol Hordes (ironic, I know).

QB – Pretty even. Eli Manning put up 64 for him, Big Ben 54 for me. No complaints.

RB – Quite pleased, actually. He got 71 from 3 guys, thanks to the Giants Brandon Jacobs being a game time scratch (though Thomas Jones got him 53). I got 74 from my 2…I DID go with Portis, who had 35, and Addai, who scored 39. Still all good.

K – Insane. He got 60 from Gostkowski, which pales next to the 87 I got from Lindell. Absolute fucking madness with the kickers.

D – Somewhat disappointing, actually. 168 overall isn’t bad, but 95 of that came from my 3 DBs. The other 5 guys totaled only 73, which flat out stinks. Hill, Davis and Harrison all had their worst game thus far in the same week. He got 197 from his defenders…44 from Eric Weddle, 37 from Jon Beason, 32 from Patrick Willis and 45 from Channing Crowder (ex-Horde member Porter only had 9, by the way, compared to 21 put up by his replacement, Lofton). (continue reading…)

You of course remember Episode 1 of this, the ‘car guy’ chick who sort of looked like maybe she’d leaned in a bit too much at the plate and caught a few dozen Nolan Ryan fastballs with her face, then had that repaired with playdough by some back alley surgeon? Actually, your mind may have repressed the horrible visage, so here’s a nice reminder for you…perhaps have a bucket stationed nearby.

Now, on the Sherdog forums (an MMA discussion forum I visit occasionally), some other guy blinded by love (or maybe he’s really blind, and just faking that he can see real good. There really is no third option here) decided to post some post-wedding photos of his…’wife’ and himself, and the members of their wedding party. Again, guys, I cannot stress this emphatically enough…if you are going to publicize the love of your life, maybe ensure first that she isn’t going to be absolutely hammered. Think of her self esteem for fuck’s sake BEFORE posting photos of some lady who, in this case, certainly doesn’t resemble a ten…unless perhaps we are describing her in terms of gross (and I do mean gross) tonnage.

Also, just as a side note, if you have a wedding cake composed of a pile of Twinkies covered in frosting, you may as well rename yourself Hick Ruberson and start lubing up now for the inevitable anal ravaging your hillbilly ass will no doubt experience at the hands of ‘dem aleens’ very, very soon.

Here are some commentary highlights just through the first 5-6 pages…

Don’t you ever disrespect john candy like that…..he looks like megan fox compared to that ….uhhh….it. (for explanation here…someone had posted a photo of John Candy driving a car…it really did bear a sickening resemblance to a photo of her driving a car).

Buy a shotgun. “The Hills Have Eyes” is real

I’ve listened to atheist arguments from nearly every source; from Richard Dawkins to Penn Jillette to my college roommate. This is best evidence I’ve ever seen for the absence of a God.

Obesity runs in her family, and it runs FAST.

By about page…10 or so, the guy who initially started the thread admits he’s full of it…however, he found the pics of this couple online. So these people really are…’together’. And, the mockery continues unabated.

Anyway, stop pretending you’re polite, embrace your dark side, and check this shit out. The thread is currently…55 pages of absolute comedic gold. As before though, I must warn you that the images you will see may be disturbing…and if they aren’t, perhaps start slugging down lots and lots of pills.

This really could be the biggest regular season game the Horde play this year. We’re 9-2…and so is Vulcan1776. They’ve won EIGHT in a row, we’re coming off a loss.

One move this week…with Kellen Winslow questionable this week, I dropped Rashied Davis for Zack Miller (Also known as ‘Only Raider Who Can Catch’). The dropping of Jonathan Stewart (who Vulcan grabbed, by the way) for Davis goes down as retarded move of the year. Luckily, keeping Mewelde Moore isn’t looking so bad, since Willie Parker messed up his knee in the Thursday nighter this week, and may miss some time.

QB – It was Big Ben on Thursday, and he carved up the hapless Bengals to the tune of 55 points (gotta love a QB who can throw for a TD AND punch one in himself). Vulcan has the Giants Eli Manning against Arizona…if the Cards pass rush clicks, Eli could be mistake happy. If they don’t, he could have 300 yards and 3 TDs. I’m still going to say advantage me, simply because my guy’s already done it this week.

RB – LenDale White (vs. a Jets team missing it’s best linebacker) is in. Joseph Addai is in…I’m not thrilled with the matchup of him vs. the Charger run D, so I’m hoping he catches a load of passes. And Portis is in…however, he’s also Questionable, so if he can’t go on Sunday, I’ll be making a last minute switch to Bomber Mo at the W/R position. Jackson’s vagina continues to aggravate him, and I increasingly wish for his death, ESPECIALLY if Moore’s going to get to start for a few games down the stretch. Against that, the Horde faces the Jets Thomas Jones (Doesn’t look good for him…Titans pass D is weak from injuries, but their line is killer) and the Giants Brandon Jacobs (should carve through Arizona like a hot knife through snot), and KC’s Larry Johnson, who should do okay vs. the Bills IF he can fight the urge to beat any women between now and gametime…put the odds of that at about 50/50. Gotta say advantage him…my guys are banged up, and he has a number of proven power runners.

Rec – Right now, it’s Miller at TE (again, could be a last minute switch to Winslow who has played, and played well, with injuries in the past), Marshall, Moss, and Antonio Bryant, who returns to the lineup for a matchup with the Lions (what is it with crappy NFL teams named after predatory wild cats?). He has Randy Moss (vs. Miami…could do well, if NE can fend off the pass rush), Miami’s Ted Ginn Jr., Buffalo’s Lee Evans, and KC’s Tony Gonzalez at tight end, making for what looks like a very hit or miss receiving corps. I think I have the advantage here.

K – Lindell continues to play, and SHOULD get kick chances as the Chiefs run defense is bad, but they aren’t bad against the pass…which I hope equals stalled drives and many field goals. He has the Pats Stephen Gostkowski, who faces a pretty similar situation with his team against a tough Miami D. Draw.

D – The defense was good last week. Harrison already played, and had his first bad game of the year with a measly 12 points. No changes at all on this unit for the week, and with a LOT of these guys facing run first teams I think there’s a good chance for plenty of tackles. Oh look…he has Joey Porter (this motherfucker is living off my castoffs!). I expect the usual sack and 2 tackles from Joey, which means he’ll put up 12 tackles, 3 sacks and a pick and make me hate him even more than I already do. Actually, Joey’s WAAYYYY down my list of worries…the Niners Patrick Willis, Carolina’s Jon Beason, Pats rookie Jerod Mayo and Miami’s Channing Crowder are tackle MACHINES, and DBs Asante Samuel and Chris Horton are productive. I’m gonna have to call this a draw as well.

This looks really, REALLY tight. Yahoo has him favored by 37, which seems like a reasonable point spread…one way or another, I don’t think this is going to be a whupping. And unlike last week, no waiting for the end of the Monday nighter. All but one guy on each team will be done by the end of Sunday afternoon, with only Joseph Addai for me, and DB Eric Weddle for him, going Sunday night. Close game, #1 spot in the league on the line.

That pretty much sums up how this week’s game is looking so far.

QB – Ben wasn’t bad actually, considering he didn’t put up any TDs (thank goodness for points for attempts, yards and completions), scoring 46. McNabb, however, scored 58 for him (curse the lack of Interception penalties!).

RB – Considering I only played 2, I’ll take 85 points. Addai was HUGE, running for 105 and a TD, and catching 4 passes for another 48 and a second score, which was good for 71. White had his usual numbers, minus the TD, so he got me 14. For him, Darren Sproles doing next to nothing scored him 4, while MJD was a beast, putting up 58. He has Buffalo’s Fred Jackson due up tomorrow…considering Fred is a backup, I’m HOPING he doesn’t contribute much.

REC – Big letdown. Marshall had 27, Moss 18, Breaston 11 and Mo a whopping 5. Not one TD amongst them. Winslow plays tomorrow night. For him, 160 points from his 4. 60 for Moore, 53 from Harrison, and 47 from the combo of Shockey and Smith. An absolute positional ass kicking.

K – Mine goes tomorrow, he got 32 from his.

D – First, the insane…Chad Greenway scored 91 goddamn points for him! NINETY ONE! Luckily for me, aside from Dhani Jones (36) and Shaun Phillips (24), nobody else was beyond 15, with Buffalo corner Jabari Greer yet to play. For me, Lofton put up 34 in his first game for the squad, Harrison 40, Hill 27, Davis 57 (that stint on the bench seems to have rejuvenated Tommy). My 3 DBs combined for 65, which I’m happy with. Posluszny plays tomorrow.

I’m currently down about 100 points with the Monday nighter to go. Basically, if Jackson scores, I’m pretty much fucked. If Greer racks up a bunch of plays, I’m fucked. I need BIG games from my 3 to even make this a close decision, and even if I DO get close, it’s probably going to be so tight I won’t know for sure who won until Yahoo gets their points up on Tuesday. Weeeeeeeee!

MVP (so far) – Addai. THIS is why I made the move to get this guy. He’s an absolute beast, both running and catching passes.

LVP (so far) – Fuck the so far, because anyone would be goddamn hard pressed to beat out Mo. What a complete and utter piece of shit this guy was. Even WITH the team running the ball (of course they give it to both backs when I get rid of Stewart…I officially can’t stand John Fox now. Maybe I can get him back, because Parker looked healthy, rendering Moore useless, so he’s expendable), he should have got some possession passes, like Smith did.

Funny damn video…share in the final days of life of the man who exposed the Earth to SecuROM. Imagine a typical movie where a man is trapped in his house by a legion of zombies…now replace the zombies with irate gamers.

The Escapist : Video Galleries : de-rez : The Final Days of the Man Responsible for SecuROM.