Darth Raider is Somewhere Right Now, Drinking Away the Tears.
by Cliff on Sep.23, 2008, under Laugh, punks!
So, yeah, this is one of the odder videos I’ve seen in awhile. The Asian guy is a Bay-area sports reporter, the dude confronting him is a President in the Oakland Raiders franchise who is none too pleased at a question the reporter just asked the coach (a little background is required here…first off, the Raiders might be the worst run franchise in sports. Secondly, the owner is a paranoid control freak. Third, he keeps flip flopping on whether or not to fire his coach now, tomorrow, next week, or never. ) Anyway, yeah, the video is at the bottom of his report here. It needs to be turned up a bit…the absolute highlight is actually pretty near the beginning, after the guy slaps the reporter’s hand off, shouting “Get your hand off me!”. Raider guy tells the reporter he’d love to hit him…reporter guy’s response, in a perfectly calm voice…”Great, I’d LOVE to own a piece of this franchise!” One word for that…AWESOME. Okay, another word…WOW. DAAAAMMMMNNNN! also comes to mind.
Seriously, very fucked up situation, but I was incredibly impressed with the reporter. Of course, I also personally feel that, after inviting a lawsuit (again, so CALMLY), he probably should have pressed a handful of fresh fecal matter in to Raider guy’s face, but maybe that’s just me. Well, me and every species of monkey.
Oh, that crazy owner I was talking about? Yeah, let’s see if I can find a pic of this guy.
Must...eat...flesh...of...children!
Seriously, THAT is an undoctored image of Al Davis…Raiders owner, or Cryptkeeper? You decide. This ‘man’ owns the Oakland Raiders. You know what’s scarier? I think he is actually smiling in that photo. Christ, you can practically smell the masticated baby on his breath through the goddamn image! Seriously, the guy should be contractually required by all that is good and pure in the world to employ someone whose only task is to enter rooms thirty seconds before Al does to prepare people for the horror that is about to be unleashed.
“Attention, ladies and gentlemen…those of you who are sensitive may wish to leave the room now. Also, anyone eating…STOP. You do NOT want to be trying to swallow food in about…17 seconds when my employer enters the room. For those who need them, here are some complimentary Raiders knives with which to gouge out your own eyes.”
Hmmm…does a mob with pitchforks and flaming torches follow Al around the Bay area, always popping up 10 minutes after he’s been somewhere, not early enough to prevent the carnage, but just in time to try and console all of those who are now questioning God’s existence? Jesus, there’s ugly, and then there’s THAT. I now understand what Peter Griffin meant when speaking of the difference between ‘ugly’ and ‘circus ugly’. The only real question is…what creature coughed that up, and how long ago did it go extinct?
Anyway, yeah, that’s it. Oh, and for anyone who may not believe me when I speak of Darth Raider…
Luke! Run the deep post, Luke!
This guy is actually one of the saner looking Raider fans…
Where's Mad Max with my fuckin' beer?!
Of course, if my team’s owner looked like he was liable to throw acid in my face for the sheer pleasure of watching it melt, I’d probably try to look like a post-apocalyptic warlock, too.
This has been Raider Show and Tell. Don’t miss the next exciting episode of Freaks and Losers!
September 24th, 2008 on 10:15 AM
Lions! Lions fire Millen!
Pick’em at In The Now!
September 24th, 2008 on 3:04 PM
Wow, that only took…what…THREE extra years? What an absolute joke of a franchise. They aren’t even funny bad, like the Raiders, who are at least entertaining while they suck.
So, who replaces Millen? What incompetent dipshit can they convince to take the job this time? Maybe another ex-commentator…bring on the era of Phil Simms! Actually, I wouldn’t mind this, as Phil has been AWFUL in the booth this year. From making good points a few years ago, he’s now getting names wrong constantly, and spewing nonsensical, waste of time bullshit like “That was a good pass, because the receiver was open.” Did Jim Nance hit him in the head with something prior to the season? Or maybe he hasn’t, but REALLY SHOULD.
September 24th, 2008 on 3:13 PM
Phil Simms has always gotten names wrong.
September 24th, 2008 on 8:12 PM
My issue this year though is that his commentary just sucks. He used to bring up cogent points, make intelligent observations, and generally offer SOMETHING from his previous experience on the field. Now he’s like a tiny version of Mike Golic, just grinning and vomiting forth one blatantly obvious tidbit of nothingness after another. Hell, JIM NANCE has had to correct him a few times…when JIM NANCE is offering more cogent commentary than you are, it’s time to go sit in a running car in the garage for awhile (mercifully, his partner Nance is NOTHING like the screeching harpy that is Golic’s little buddy, Mike Greenberg). He’s making John Madden seem like some deep thinker who’s always delving deep in to the matters of a game.
September 25th, 2008 on 1:24 PM
the raiders are their fans are just crazy motherfuckers. I don’t follow sports and even I know that.
My naive take on it is: like if street gangs got into organized sports, and were beefing with each other, that’s the Raiders.
But for all I know, the Raiders are a street gang, and/or are controlled by one(s)
September 26th, 2008 on 1:07 AM
Yeah, SHOCKINGLY, Raider fans have a BIT of a reputation of maybe getting a BIT out of hand when dealing with other team’s fans. Namely, they encourage them to leave…often without all of the teeth they arrived to the game with.
But, hey, your teams sucks, your owner is a deranged cannibalistic monster, and you’re surrounded by shamen, a Lord of the Sith and a collection of crazoids describable only as ‘From beyond Thunderdome’…what else is there to do but beat the shit out of those around you?
September 26th, 2008 on 9:38 AM
Hey, Raiders fans aren’t the ones who booed Santa Claus.
September 26th, 2008 on 12:37 PM
I suspect that, given the opportunity, Raider fans would rape Santa Claus.