Run! It's the Horde!

Here we go for Week 3. Again, I’ll start things off with a quick position comparison. My opponent, the Colorado Calvary (I’m assuming that a misspelling), is also 2-0, so it’s an interesting matchup (I’m #1, he’s #3).

QB – I’m making a big change here for this week’s game. I’m going to let Ben sit on the bench and drink for a week (seriously, I’m going to have to track down and post one of the pictures lurking online of Ben, drunk off his ass and picking up hot chicks), and start the A-Hole. I like Rivers against the Jets this week, as I believe San Diego will be fired up to win the game. Against that, the Calvary put up Jay Cutler, who’s off to a roaring start this season. This looks like a draw to me, with both guys putting up big numbers early.

RB – I’m rolling out the same trio. I thought about sitting LenWhale, but then saw he’s facing the ‘feared’ defence of Liam’s Texans, so he’s keeping his bloated ass in the game. My rival answers with a pile of crap. Well, Matt Forte isn’t bad, but his other backs are ghastly. He’s benched Tomlinson, even though he’s only Questionable injury wise, and a guarantee to play, in favour of Michael Pittman, Denver’s 3rd stringer, and Ray Rice, a midget rookie for Baltimore who doesn’t play much. This is akin to heading in to a swim meet, and then deciding “Hey, Michael Phelps, have a seat today. We’re gonna throw in…oh, let’s let legless Lieutenant Dan have a go.” Colour me baffled…and colour this advantage Horde.

WR&TE – Again, more of the same for me, though I’m realistic and don’t expect a repeat of last week’s thoroughly ridiculous (and awesome) output. I’m facing Detroit’s Calvin Johnson, who’s a beast, Eddie Royal, one of the sleepers I got screwed out of (it’s personal now, Calvary), and Houston’s Andre Johnson, and Seattle rookie tight end John Carlson. Carlson might have a huge day, because Seattle’s top SIX wide receivers are currently hurt. Yes, every wideout they started the season with is injured, leading me to believe they must have earned a gypsy hex or something. I think they’re down to Larry, Curley and Moe starting out there. Call this a tie.

K – Jeff Reed of the Steelers should get a few shots at field goals against Philly, and Philly’s David Akers goes for the Calvary. Battle of the kickers in a thrilling faceoff…or, you know, something much less dramatic, since we’re talking kickers! Figure Pittsburgh wins the game, so advantage me.

D – I’ve got newcomer Thomas Davis replacing Gerald Hayes, and everyone else the same. Strangely, my opponent actually has 3 defensive linemen in his lineup, which is a bit weird…everyone else loaded up on tackle-producing linebackers. However, they’re good pass rushers, he he might to be too badly off. Actually, yet again, this looks close, but I think I might have a slight advantage because there’s always a better chance of big tackle numbers vs. big sack numbers.

Looking good, I think. Yahoo has me favoured by…just under 52 going in. However, like I’ve said before, that means 2 things…jack and shit. We’ll see what happens.

Holy shit, the stomping is on. My receiving corps ‘only’ produced 163 this week, but that clobbers the pathetic 50 reached by his. Yes, in a league where simply CATCHING A FOOTBALL equals 3 points, his 2 wideouts and 1 tight end have put up…50. Brandon Marshall was huge for me again this week, scoring around 72 himself (it was very satisfying watching his quarterback, Cutler, throwing a TD to my receiver, Marshall, because I KNEW it was killing the fucker inside).

Cutler played well, putting up 60, while Rivers doesn’t go until tomorrow. Glad I made the switch, though, as Big Ben was smacked around like Tina Turner steppin’ out on Ike by the Eagle D.

His puzzling, to say the least, running backs produced a total of 25, and only reached that mark because Pittman cheezed himself a goal line TD plunge. All told, his 3 gave him 95, while my 3 garnered 127. The Whale once more pounded in to the endzone (twice, actually). I think this week I’ll just fill a swimming pool with deep fried shrimp and throw him in with instructions to not be seen until it’s empty.

The kickers were a wash, with Reed outpointing Akers by 1.

As for defences…233 for my guys, despite some off days…142 for his. DJ Williams put up 74 for me, thanks to FOURTEEN tackles and two assists.

So, here’s where it stands. I’m leading 560 to 382. His whole team has played. I still have my quarterback due up, as well as one of my defensive backs, in tomorrow’s game. They could literally decide to go merc and score their points for the Calvary, and I would STILL win handily. Nothing like a nice, relaxing asskicking to end the weekend on a high note. So, that will equal 3-0, and the retention of the #1 spot in the league.

MVP for the week…of course, Rivers COULD put up an MVP performance, but he’s a douchebag, so he’s out of the running. Tough call between Williams and Marshall, the 2 Broncos, but I got to go with Brandon Marshall for the 2nd week in a row. You know, the more he’s charged with criminal offences, the better he seems to play, so shoot for another rest, you big, gorgeous bastard!

LVP for the week…James Harrison was invisible, only scoring 2 tackles and 1 assist in a 15-6, defensive-oriented ball game. That’s just sad. Also close, Trufant…AGAIN…with 3 tackles in a game where the stupid Rams were constantly throwing the ball, because they were down early. How many chances do you need to make some plays?! Jesus!

Still, GREAT week.