Peer Pressure Works!

So, this weekend shall be the weekend of football drafts. On Saturday, the ‘other’ Matrix league has its’ draft. This will require me actually being up and at the computer at 9 o’clock in the goddamn morning, a prospect that does not thrill me in the least. However, it DOES answer the question of what would actually compel me to get up early on a weekend. Football geekery. Actually, is that even surprising?

The league which shall be taking up blog space as the weeks go on drafts on Sunday at the more humane time of 11 in the morning. (And, actually, I have a SECOND draft that day at 1 in the afternoon. This is for yet another league I joined up with before Matrix decided to set up theirs this year. That makes 5 FF teams I’ll have. Even I think that’s, frankly, a little sick).

Now, part of setting up for a draft involves setting your pre-draft player rankings. Sure, Yahoo has them set up already, but, much like with those of ESPN, they were apparently thrown together by people who have never actually seen a football, much less an actual game. I personally suspect that the cadre responsible here may have been the unborn child of James and Janine, a random tinfoil hat-wearing conspiracy theorist, and Osama Bin Laden, trying to ‘win’ the terror war through manipulation of fantasy sports. Anyway, yeah, they suck. They’re also pretty general, so they are in no way set up for whatever the scoring rules are for your league, if your league has any balls and differs from the norm.

So, I have just finished ranking the top 111 guys. Don’t ask me how it ended up at that number, that’s just where I stopped. Yahoo’s software SUCKS in comparison to ESPN’s…Jesus, that was a sweet setup they have over there, with multiple windows brimming with information. Here, you get…a list. You can put names on it. You can’t even rank by position, just the overall, which is not only silly, it’s also limiting. However, I am NOT a fantasy geek to the point I wish to download and install fantasy software. Yes, it exists. You can even run multiple ‘practice’ drafts against AI teams. See how far down this rabbithole really goes? If Morpheus had been handing out pills to head down this trip, little Neo would have shit his pants and run the other way. (Actually, I have to admit that, post draft, I might install some FF tracker stuff, though. Once you get everyone’s roster entered in to it, it keeps score for you, which means less math, which pleases me greatly. Although, I kinda liked the tension, in a sick way, as I was sitting there coming up with rough estimates…hmmm…I’ll have to consider this one.)

So, I’m not going to throw down the entire list, since that would really be stupid. I’ll list my…oh, I’ll go top 10. I’ve ranked no kickers or defenses, since that would be really, really stupid. I wonder how many dimwits won’t show up for the draft, and let the ‘Autodraft’ feature do it for them, and also won’t customize the rankings? I fondly remember THAT last year…the Chicago defense in round three, a kicker in the 8th or 9th….aaah, yes.

1. LaDainion Tomlinson – I think the last time LT DIDN’T head up a draft list might have been the year he was born. He does everything. Also, he seems to hate his arrogant twat of a quarterback as much as I do, and sharing a hatred is a quick way in to the good books with Cliff! (Bonus awesomeness…when I spellchecked this entry, it wanted to change LaDainion Tomlinson to Latino Collision. That might be the best thing ever. It will also be LT’s nickname from hence forth).

2. Brian Westbrook – This league gives 3 points PER CATCH. That makes him a MASSIVE scoring threat, when you also consider his usual 1200-1300 rushing yards. And I love tiny running backs.

3. Joseph Addai – See above. Uhhh…geez, what the Hell can you say about Addai? Uhhhh…he’s just kinda there…which works on an offense like the one the Colts have.

4. Steven Jackson – See above, but make the rushing numbers more in the 1400-1500 range…IF he and his line stay healthy. And you gotta have a guy with dreads on your roster!

5. Tom Brady – If this were a ‘Bangin’ Hot Chicks’ draft, Tom would score so highly, he’d somehow end up above number one, and be drafted .16.

6. Adrian Peterson – In a league that rewards receiving stats heavily, a guy who caught 19 balls last year really drops. I also don’t like the fact that, for every week last year he had 150 yards and 2 TDs on the ground, there was another week he had 37 yards and 2 fumbles. Frankly, I think he’s a massively overrated player in real life, too, as most commentators discuss him so reverentially, I keep waiting for him to turn the Gatorade in to a merlot.

7. Clinton Portis – Put up better numbers than I remembered as a tiny back in a power offense. Now he’s back in a speed/spread offense. And, hey, who doesn’t want a guy who just doesn’t see what the big deal about dogfighting is on their team?

8. Randy Moss – Not gonna do what he did last year, but is still the top receiver. I actually can’t think of anything funny to say about Randy…hmmm…that might drop him a couple spots.

9. Marion Barber III- Doesn’t get a ton of catches, but scores a lot of TDs. He also has the nifty ‘the 3rd’ thing going on with his name, which offers potential material for ranting/praising in blog posts.

10 Peyton Manning – If this draft awarded draft placement based on the similarities between the craniums of the player and Frankenstein’s monster, Peyton comes in .03. Seriously, this guy is downright Cro-Magnon looking. He’s also somewhat of a douchebag, and if you’re gonna have a team, you GOTTA have a douchebag heading it up!

So, there ya have it. Oh, I have absolutely no idea where I draft…that gets decided randomly a half hour beforehand. Kind of annoying, but what can ya do? Well…sure, I SUPPOSE you COULD go kill and old lady and steal her shoes, but how would that help???