Peer Pressure Works!

Who’s Scott Feschuk? A funny bastard who writes for Maclean’s (Who knew, right?). Every week he answers reader questions in the weekly mailbag : here’s the one written Feb. 3rd. He also writes other entertainment type stuff which tends to be funny. He also keeps up a regular Twitter feed VoiceinPMsHead. Imagine Steven Harper sharing every single imperious thought to enter his head…now make that funny. A couple of examples from yesterday about Jack Layton’s mystery announcement (which turned out to be that he has cancer…poor bastard elf) :

Talking point: Jack Layton’s decision to [whatever he's deciding] once again shows his lack of support for our troops.

 

Then he’s showing TOO MUCH support for our troops. Back off, G.I. Jack. RT @willmurray89: what if announcement is he’s joining the army?

Anyway, his Super Bowl live blog can be found here. I’m also just going to quote the damn thing in its entirety after the break here, because it’s fucking gold…and because that will let me boost my content.

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Posting before there are pictures of the team celebrating with the Lombardi Trophy? Improvise! Is that chick in front armed???

So, the Saints win, 31-17. This means I must face the depressing reality that I am worse at picking Super Bowl winners than EA’s Madden football. I think perhaps I’ll have some scotch…

Solid game overall. Not the best one that I’ve seen (that would be Denver beating Green Bay 31-24 at the end of ‘97-‘98), but certainly better than most.

Drew Brees is the obvious pick for game MVP. Just a ridiculous game from him. And hey, Reggie Bush decided not to be useless! Does this mean he now has to propose to Kim Kardashian? That’s incentive? Really? Dude, there are plenty of attention whore skanks in the sea. Maybe Brees can step up in the clutch and somehow pass his buddy’s way out of harm’s way. I personally contend that Reggie was running hard with the intention of heading out the tunnel…out the stadium…out the town…out the country…

Also, an onside kick to start the second half? Sean Payton’s rather smug look at times is now explained, as he’s hiding about 15 pounds of brass balls in his pants.

Attention, Pierre Garcon…typically, you don’t signal your quarterback that you’re open in the end zone UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY ARE.

Attention NFL…I am a fan of The Who. I think Roger Daltrey is one of the greatest vocalists in rock history. Sitting there listening to that guy barely croak his way through their songs kind of made me want to cut my wrists…well, your wrists, actually. It was depressing. Can we please stop the goddamn over the hill tour through half time to avoid the off chance of maybe giving 63 overweight fundamentalists in Kentucky a conniption if “one o’ them coloreds” bares a tit again? That’d be great, thanks.

Congratulations Saints, and congratulations New Orleans. Oh, and enjoy the ‘Indianapolis Colts – Super Bowl 44 Champions!’ attire, people of Haiti!

Ahhhh shit, it’s that time again.

New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts

Now that the Saints, who took 21 years to even have a winning season, have made a Super Bowl, the number of teams who haven’t is down to four. And considering three of those teams have less than 20 years of existence to look back at (Jacksonville, Cleveland redux and Houston), it really elevates the crapulence of the Detroit Lions organization.

The game occurs in a dome in Florida, so neither team really gains a decisive advantage since both the Saints and Colts play their home games in a dome.

Here’s what this comes down to : Can the blitz packages of the Saints get pressure on Peyton Manning? Peyton seems to have a freaky sixth sense about these things. He’s the master of changing up blocking assignments to pick up bandits. And if those guys don’t get to him, you just guaranteed him man to man coverage on at least one of the seemingly 316 quality receivers he has to throw to. I don’t think the Saints blitz is going to work this time around, and I think one of the Indy backs is going to surprise by putting up about 90-100 yards rushing and a TD with a lot of audibles in to draw plays to burn heavy rush packages.

On the flip side, Drew Brees and his flying circus takes on Indy’s defence, a D whose best pass rusher is going to play with torn ankle ligaments. The thing is, Indy doesn’t blitz, and I think Mathis and Brock can still put heat on Drew Brees. Things might look a little differently if I had any reason to believe that Reggie Bush would actually play well. I don’t. Pierre Thomas will gouge the Colts on the ground, but if/when Peyton starts throwing down the field drive after drive, New Orleans is going to have to stop running and play chuck and duck to keep up.

In the end, I have the Colts winning their second title of this era by a score of 31-21.

Look upon the shit that is the biggest grossing movie of all time. A predictable, hackneyed, ‘seen it before’ script slapped on some gigantic smurfs, all of it overseen by Capt. Cameron and his Almighty Ego.

Sure it’s a spectacle, and the spectacle is impressive…but the spectacle is also completely and utterly false. You may as well throw on your goddamn 3D glasses and gaze in awe at some massive banks of hard drives, because that’s pretty much what you’re drooling over on the screen.

Tonight, I saw Glengarry Glen Ross for the first time. I don’t think there was a single special effects shot in the entire flick. Almost every scene was conversation. Al Pacino, Alec Baldwin, Jack Lemmon, Alan Arkin, Ed Harris, Kevin Spacey, Jonathan Pryce. And all the movie needs is conversation when guys like that are spitting out the words of David Mamet. It doesn’t need 14 bazillion dollars worth of particle effects wrapped around ham fisted crap. And it doesn’t require explanation of every single line to get the facts across. We know Jack Lemmon is desperate without some side character telling everyone in the theatre “Man, that Shelley Levine sure has reached the end of his rope…”

So fuck the ‘King of the World’ and his icebergs and painfully obvious allusions to the world. I’ll take the character study. Especially when it features scenes like this…Alec Baldwin at his goddamn best, emasculating every other character in the room with ease.

I quietly added DRM News to my links list awhile ago, but I figure it’s time to holla at my playah…or…something. Christ.

So yeah, after leaving Reclaim Your Game, I was still interested in doing writing on DRM info and stuff like that. Anyway, Brad (those of you who pay attention to comments on here would know him better as Qikdraw) and his wife Kathy had also left RYG and wanted to do something, and set up a simple little Wordpress site. I joined in and…well, that’s actually pretty much it. I’ll have to add in some ninjas and perhaps an exciting scene with rhinos rampaging down a small town street later to beef up the “Holy shit!” factor.

It isn’t anything too fancy. We just do little articles up when something news worthy drops and add a few editorial type ones, too. We’ve actually been throwing content up for a few weeks before announcing anywhere so that there is actually some material there if/when people start swinging by.

We have some plans for how to grow it from here, some stuff that would be pretty cool if/when it comes to fruition (haha! Still being a cryptic bastard!).

And now you know…the rest…of the story.

Notice how any time anyone ever says anything approaching that, it usually ends up in a gathering sort of like this?

Well, not anymore. If Don “Moose” Lewis gets his brilliant All-America Basketball Alliance going, it may soon end up in a gathering like this.

Yes indeed, it’s all cracker basketball! All the jump shots and chest passes that your heart can handle without any of those ‘urban’ types to bring those slam dunks and handguns and crack to the arena!

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Good lord! A serious post?!

As I mentioned in a post awhile ago, I used to be an admin on the site Reclaim Your Game. I stepped down for a number of reasons, many of them disclosed in that post.

Recently, they decided to turn their ‘fair and balanced’ (with about as much fairness and balance as the other users of that slogan, Fox News, typically display) on the SecuROM used on the game Borderlands. The resulting testing report is nothing but a collection of biased, unproven claims and rhetoric. Seeing them then begin to talk about that report on other web forums as though it resembled fact, I decided a response was necessary. This is that response.

 NFC – Minnesota Vikings at New Orleans Saints

This might not be the most exciting matchup in terms of shock value (anyone with a functional cerebrum saw this coming about half a season ago), but it is the two best teams in the conference squaring off, and that’s usually fun to watch.

Minnesota and leader/crotchety old man Grampa Favre can probably put up some numbers on the Saints. I actually think that New Orleans’ blitz packages will give them a more consistent pass rush than Dallas had last week (then again, the occupants of a ward full of quadriplegics could probably accomplish that goal), but they’ll give up more on the ground to Purple Jesus, He of the Book of Fumbles.

New Orleans is pretty much next to impossible to cover, simply because they have approximately 62 receivers who can make plays if you don’t lock them down. So pass rush is key, and the Saints have a better pass blocking line than the Dallas boys (big and fat is as helpful to pass blocking as it is to a healthy heart). I don’t see Jared Allen (a man who really should be driving long haul in a plaid shirt with the sleeves torn off, using the CB call sign of ‘Jimmy Vegas’) teeing off like they did on Tony Romo last week. I don’t really like Romo, but even I felt badly for him. Had they focused on his mom in the stands at some point, you would have seen her wincing…not because her son was in pain, but because those hits were actually shattering HER pelvis.

I’ll take the Saints, as the Vikings have to deal with a raucous, noisy crowd on the road. Plus, New Orleans owner Tom Benson had Dubya in his luxury box last week…that crazy bastard will foment a Republican-led revolution that ends with the National Guard shooting the Vikings of they should win.

AFC – New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts

The most astounding piece of Jets new this week? Rex Ryan apparently eats 7000 calories a day. That would explain why he looks like Gumby after a few Jacko bleach treatments.

The Jets shouldn’t be here, but they are. They’ve won two games in impressive fashion. However, with Shaun Ellis now reduced to one good hand and a shattered lump wrapped in what looked like 63 rolls of medical tape, and numerous other guys messed up pretty good, they aren’t exactly in a great position this week.

The Colts are pissed off. This is their chance to show everyone that with their starts in the game, they can stomp a mud hole right through the Jets. They’re angry, they’re motivated, and they’re capable of actually pressuring the passer. A pressured Mark Sanchez does not a poised Mark Sanchez make. They also have a semblance of a running game, something San Diego couldn’t say.

I’ve got the Colts winning this one, at least in part because I think they have a chance against the Saints or Vikings, while the Jets would be crushed. I don’t need to see another Super Bowl ass kicking.

Well, it is when it’s done like this.

There is no way in Hell that this is real. It has to be a spoof, but it’s done so well that I don’t care. It makes me do the laughing.

Seriously, this is incredible.

So, these guys in capes and weird armour can just wander the halls of a school without arousing suspicion? Seriously, Bibleman is the offer of a candy bar and a panel van away from being a full on pedophile suspect!

Watch as the show’s token black character displays the temptation of the bad side by throwing on a do-rag! Watch as Satan’s minions use computers to try and tempt children away from geekery and in to a world of…well…basically hanging out in a food court from the looks of it. Thrill to the site of Bibleman and the Hellspawn engaging in combat with energy swords that are totally not a complete rip off of the lightsabers from the Star Wars movies! And enjoy some hot computing action as Bibleman’s sidekick shuts down an evil network while it ineffectually hurls sparks from its keyboard!

All of this and more in the video above. And that’s just scratching the surface. Youtube is replete with countless videos of the hilarity of morality.